You are dealing with someone in your immediate environment who often makes you feel bad, who tries to make you the scapegoat for everything.
You may be dealing with a narcissist. You notice that that manipulation becomes too much for you. Normally, the best solution is to try to avoid that person in your everyday life.
But what if this is, for example, your family member or your partner? Then breaking contact does not immediately feel like an option.
However, you can learn to deal with this form of emotional extortion and thus minimize its effect on your life.
Read below 7 tips to learn to deal with the behavior of a narcissist, and not let this further ruin your life just stop being a narcissist’s scapegoat.
What is narcissism?
Narcissism is a disorder in which the behavior that people exhibit is very selfish.
They often feel more important and better than the people around them and can become corpses in their quest for attention.
Basically, narcissism is a mechanism to overshadow one’s insecurity and low self-esteem, and thus not be bothered by it.
That is why it is also a disorder in which people are often so full of themselves that they do not realize that they are displaying narcissistic behavior and therefore do not notice how much damage they cause to others.
Before I explain to you how to make sure you are no longer the narcissist’s favorite piss-pole.
And how to avoid becoming the scapegoat of a narcissist, it is important to know how to recognize a narcissist.
Ongoing selfish behavior is the first warning sign, but there are other signs to identify a narcissist.
For example, if someone is always concerned with appearance, status and/or power “I was fantastic in the room today, and I looked so good.”
Someone who often brags, lies very easily and a lot, can’t take criticism well and is also not afraid to abuse the good will of another…
…shows clear traits of a narcissist too!
They are often smooth talkers who are very good at responding to your gut feeling.
One of the narcissist’s favorite pastimes is gaslighting .
This is a form of mental abuse where they play on your emotion and manipulate you in such a way that you no longer have self-confidence.
And all just to have you in their power.
Narcissists will always try to shift blame as much as possible and do not feel any guilt themselves. In short, the narcissist thinks almost only of himself.
How can you tell that you are the scapegoat of a narcissist?
The narcissist always needs others to boost his own ego and that usually doesn’t happen in a nice or nice way.
Phrases like, “Honey, I’ll take care of it because you can’t do anything about it” or “You can’t because I say so” are warning signs if your partner often says that to you, for example.
If it’s a family member, you’ll often find them making fun of you at gatherings.
This person will try to make you feel the piss in order to gain the favor with the rest.
This person will not make you feel bad all the time, but will try to win you over. Make you feel like he or she is always there for you.
However, if it suits the narcissist better, they will drop you like a brick.
But that’s not the end, because then the narcissist will try to win you over again, so that the whole process starts all over again.
If this kind of behavior sounds familiar to you, then the following 7 tips are for you to ensure that you are no longer the scapegoat of the narcissist.
Tip 1: Stop giving out personal information
Don’t tell them how you feel or how things are going at work. Don’t let them know what you feel vulnerable about or need help with.
The narcissist will do that to offer you that help, and try to make you feel that you are dependent on that person.
However, the narcissist only does this out of self-interest and will emotionally extort you again and again for his own benefit.
Tip 2: keep the conversation superficial
Narcissism is not something that is easy to treat. It also usually makes no sense to confront the behavior.
Why not? Because a narcissist will never admit that he or she needs help. Instead, if you do find yourself in a conversational situation, keep it superficial.
Don’t give opinions about things you value highly, this can be an entrance to play on your feelings and make you the scapegoat.
Scientifically Proven: Research at Princeton University has shown that if children feel a lack of warmth from their parents, this does not lead to narcissistic behavior later on. However, it does lead to a lack of self-confidence. This can put these children at greater risk of becoming scapegoats for narcissists later in life.
Tip 3: Try to keep your distance
When it comes to a narcissistic family member that you are the scapegoat for, you may not be able to cut ties completely.
You don’t want to run the risk of losing contact with people you care about a lot.
Nevertheless, it is advisable to keep as much distance from the narcissist as possible. Limit yourself to the number of times you interact with that person.
That way you can estimate for yourself when you do and do not have contact with the family and keep the narcissist at a distance as much as possible.
Less contact means that you greatly reduce the chance that that person can control you emotionally.
Tip 4: Try not to make too many commitments
Narcissists love commitment. They can exercise control over you that way.
As mentioned before, the narcissist tries to use everything to get you under their power in some way.
A commitment such as going to a dance club together, or visiting your sick mother together makes you a lot more vulnerable because then the narcissist has something to play on.
A new way to get close to you and thus make you the favorite scapegoat.
Tip 5: Try to find allies Stop Being A Narcissist’s Scapegoat
When it comes to a family member, it can help to find allies.
This can be a parent, brother or sister, but also grandparents, cousins, uncles or aunts.
Perhaps there are other people in the family who recognize the problem and want to support you with it. However, it is important to do this carefully.
You want to prevent the narcissist from finding out and can use this to make you even more of the scapegoat against your family.
Find out who you can trust and try to build a good relationship with them so that you are not alone.
Tip 6: Don’t go full in the counter attack
While it may feel good to counter-attack and try to fight back against the narcissistic relative…
…it is a very risky solution!
The narcissist cannot stand being belittled. The natural reaction of this person will be that they will focus even more on you.
The narcissist will have an even stronger urge to humiliate you. There is, of course, a chance that the person may fall so out of favor with others that you keep your family connections and the narcissist doesn’t.
But… the narcissist is driven and ruthless. If you are not strong enough in your shoes, it can cause much more damage.
Tip 7: Be assertive
As we discussed in tip 6, it is often not the right solution to counterattack.
However, this doesn’t mean you should just let them walk all over you. Be assertive in your response.
If the narcissistic family member tries to play on your feelings again, it is best to set your boundaries in a respectful and clear way.
Then leave the communication there instead of giving the narcissist the chance to provoke a reaction from you.
That way you don’t give the narcissist the chance to respond to this.