That is, that is. That’s… Gordon. This is how my sister, three years older, greeted me regularly, for years. She had suddenly started. With a big playful smile. She falls into what we call the autistic spectrum or mentally handicapped, and has been living in a residential group with excellent guidance since she was 21. I call her Love, didn’t say it out loud, and think she’s super wise about it.
She is the most honest person I know and tells you right away, for example, that the gift you bought with lots of love for her birthday is not for her. Expensive or dirt cheap, she doesn’t see that. And who wants it, because I don’t need it, let it go and move on.I find that spectacularly genuine and enjoy it. Nothing personal. No judgment in the rejection. It is what it is. She is a master of love and truth.
It took me a long time to read between the lines and understand my sister’s “that is, that is, that is… Gordon”. And that I really looked at the world that way. That’s that. That’s this. That’s black, that’s white. I put everything and everyone in boxes and put a label on everything. Out of self-protection for anything that came too close.
My unsafe childhood was a perfect breeding ground for this. Our dualistic 3D world too. We see good and bad as two opposites instead of a whole with two sides. And judge us stupid. My sister is a wise person. She’d been through me for a long time.
I find “It is what it is” much more fun these days than “That is”. Not that I have stopped judging, I am not yet enlightened after all, but I am very much more aware of it. My sister’s message could only land when I started to actively open my heart to myself and to others. Only when I really got to know myself better and deeper did I start to judge myself and others less.
I learned that the less and especially the less quickly you judge or judge another, the longer, even if it is sometimes a matter of seconds, you can stay in touch with your heart. And your heart is neutral. Go beyond judgment. Provides space for connection. If someone doesn’t like your gift, that means nothing but that.It is what it is says love.