The darkness as a way to the light: healing by feeling


If you feel like you’re being knocked down again by what’s happening in your relationship, remember that you’re in two worlds at once: the physical reality, in which you may often experience pain, and the archetypal, spiritual reality in which you everything and everyone is connected. Once you connect the two, you gain access to the deeper meaning of your experiences here on Earth.

Life always shows you two faces and the invitation here is to find the balance between them. In this way the two poles become complementary instead of conflicting: if you also dare to look at the shadow, then the two can merge into the transcendent quality that wants to be born in you. For this you will first have to experience both extremes with genuine curiosity and this is where you often meet your resistance…

You do want love, but not lovelessness, you go for pleasure, not for pain and it is better to be in the unity consciousness than in a state of feeling cut off. In your relationships, you may find that while you focus on merging with your partner, you avoid standing on your own two feet. Forgiveness is your middle name , but guarding your boundaries clearly and forcefully is foreign to you. You see very sharply all the good qualities of your partner, but you close your eyes to his shortcomings.

Your shadow comes alive in your relationships

So it is possible that you often find partners who are not there for you emotionally . Instead of seeing this for what it is, you cling to the illusion of what it could be. You get stuck in experiencing your shadow. At some level you are denying something in you and this lack of connection with yourself you see reflected around you.

Your relationship fantasies can be very powerful and feel very real. They therefore serve a purpose: to keep at a distance from a reality that you experience as too threatening on an unconscious level. You would rather have the illusion of oneness than the honest experience of the lack of oneness within yourself. You want to avoid this experience of being split off so badly that you manifest it again and again in your life.

Shine the light of your consciousness

The most powerful thing you can do to release these shadow energies is to face them, actually feel them, and in the process be genuinely curious about what you have been denying to yourself thus far. You don’t feel that with your head, but with your body. You cannot reason through a feeling, you have to experience it. If you try to talk a feeling away, it goes underground and comes out in a different way, uncontrollably and when it suits you least.

For example, you can feel your shadow energy in your heart, in your throat, in your solar plexus, or in your abdomen, but also as tension in your neck and shoulders. If you notice this kind of bodily turmoil, turn your attention to it, because where it feels unpleasant, that’s where the shadow is hidden. It’s not something to be afraid of, it just indicates that you haven’t fully integrated certain experiences into your life. Now is the time you can still do this. You cannot transcend feelings that you have not experienced, feelings are there to bring into your full consciousness and only then to let go.

Fully admitting is completely healing

Your consciousness is not interested in a quick fix , it is the light in which your shadow aspects dissolve over time. The more fully you allow a certain feeling, the faster you integrate it and make room for new energy. The more you allow yourself to feel your anger, the faster you will come to true forgiveness. The deeper you descend into your sorrow, the higher the peaks of your joy. The more intense the fear you allow, the more certain your experience of love afterward.

So allow yourself to feel what you feel. Is there irritation or anger in you, do you experience a lack of self-esteem, are you weighed down by self-hatred? Meet these feelings in your body and give them the gift of your presence. In this way you always look honestly at yourself, and thus at your relationship with others, and transformation can occur.

The way in is endless

It does not matter how much you have already sensed and cleaned up, when the time comes, your theme will present itself to you on a deeper layer. You will again come face to face with your resistance and once again have to find the strength and courage to break through this blockade with love and trust.

The more light you bring, the more shadow you discover, which you can then shine your light over. In this way you do not get stuck in the darkness, but you move further and further on the edge of dark and light. Awareness is to some extent painful, but pain is not the goal. The goal is that you open yourself more and more to all the experiences of this life.

If you have access to the deeper meaning of the events in your life in this way, you will see that your pain is nothing more than one of the many human experiences that you take further on your path.

Do you want to shine your light on the shadow in you?

Join my free challenge ‘A loving relationship with yourself & others’. Three days on the way to yourself to start the loving connection with others from there.


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