You don’t understand why you react the way you react, act the way you act, you feel the way you feel or think the way you think.
Fears, desires, and nightmares
Can’t explain some pains in your life, but do you really suffer from them? Or do you see a resemblance between your life and that of your parents? Then it may very well be that history repeats itself (unconsciously)! You and I are not just the results of the fusion of an egg and a sperm.
We inherit from our biological (ancestors) parents in addition to physical characteristics such as the physique and color of the eyes, their unprocessed traumas, and pains. This is what I call the emotional legacy. This can consist of a combination of fears, emotions (positive and negative), desires, behaviors, (limited) beliefs, and nightmares, which may be passed on from generation to generation. Until the emotional legacy is healed.
What do you pass on to your children?
When you look at the pains and patterns from your childhood that you still maintain in your adult life, you are examining your inner child. This is no longer an unknown theme. But examining your emotional legacy goes one step further. You find out with which unprocessed pains and traumas from your (ancestors) parents you have to deal with in your own life. Little has been written about this, but the subject is becoming more and more well-known. It’s called ‘transgenerational transfer’: a transfer from generation to generation.
However, active research is being done into cellular memories. You store the memory of unprocessed traumas and pains in your cells and these ‘memory cells’, or cellular memory, you pass on to your children at conception. Do you see what a responsibility you actually carry? If you don’t process your traumas and pains before you start having children, you pass them on. This sounds tough, but they can really have a huge impact on the life of your child(ren). That is why I have devoted a book to this subject: ‘ Everything starts with the emotional legacy of our ancestors ‘. I personally experienced the profound effects of the emotional legacy on my life.
A heavy burden: a personal story
Everyone has an emotional legacy, some more beautiful or heavier than others. I myself have a pretty heavy emotional legacy: from my mother and my father. So double up. I have experienced how the unresolved traumas and pains of my (grand)parents influenced my own life.
My parents are children of ‘wrong’ parents in the Second World War. Six of my relatives were interned in camps immediately after the liberation. Also my mother, sister and their mother. And only because of the wrong decisions of their father or husband.
Horrible events such as deprivation of food and medical care, threats to shave, rape and deportation to Germany took place in these camps. Their difficult lives resulted in the inability to receive and share love and express feelings. Carrying their secrets with them was a great burden for many years, one that was passed on to their children: my sister and I. With all the consequences that entail… My sister and I learned, among other things, not to express our emotions and pains and ‘hid’ ourselves behind a mask.
Inheriting the consequences of a trauma
Any unresolved trauma and pain that is passed on as an emotional legacy can hinder your life as a child and later as an adult. It can limit your life on all levels: emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual. The trauma can (continue to) repeat itself! The generations that follow may experience similar problems and/or end up in the same situations. Often without them realizing it.
For example, when you inherit trauma from your mother, it can influence your thinking, feeling and acting. It’s like something unfamiliar is pulling you, something ‘heavy’, that you can’t quite put your finger on. You don’t understand why you react the way you react, act the way you act, you feel the way you feel, or think the way you think. For example, a mother who has been sexually abused can communicate the consequences of her trauma, i.e. the pain she has suffered as a result, but not the content.
It may even be the case that her children and grandchildren feel a certain resistance towards sexuality and cannot explain it. The cause of this may very well lie in the trauma of their (grand)mother. The passed-on trauma subconsciously influences their thoughts, emotions and behavior. Or they could develop an unexplained illness.
Awareness: the key to happiness
Now you don’t have to worry that when you inherit an unprocessed trauma from your deceased (ancestors) parents, you can no longer get it out of your system and you no longer have control over your own life. You do have this when you start working with it and you become aware of your emotional legacy. Becoming aware and staying aware of yourself is, in my opinion, the key to happiness.
You can best help and heal yourself by first becoming aware of your pains, recognizing them and discovering where the cause lies. It is then important to feel these pains when you are touched (triggered) by them and so do not push them away. Then eventually the charge of this pain or pattern subsides and gradually dissolves.
Persistently recurring patterns and pains are not resolved 1, 2, 3. It takes dedication, courage and honesty to yourself to learn to deal with it in the right way for you. Sometimes the help of a professional is needed. Find your way, from love for yourself and from there for the other. Everyone, including you, has the right to a happy life.