I notice trends in the themes in which I help people, eg my clients, facebook friends, calls on the radio show and others in my life. One major theme that has been popping up a lot lately is the imbalance in the energy flow in relationships, which we know as giving and receiving.
Give and take
The energy flow must be in balance in a relationship. That does not mean that everyone always gives the same amount of time, it means that there is a balance in the energy flow so that everyone feels that their inflow and outflow are equal (not necessarily equal). No one should feel that he is being taken advantage of, or that they are giving more than they should or want to, that everyone is active and feels that energy is being shared.
I use the term “equal” and not “equal” because in any relationship we will give more in those areas where we are more talented or feel stronger. For example, the person who is a good cook is likely to cook more when the other partner doesn’t cook at all.
Or the one who likes to work in the garden will probably do most of the garden work. The person who likes to keep things tidy will do more of the household chores when the other doesn’t care so much about a tidy house. But when we give to someone who is a taker and not a receiver, we get in trouble.
A receiver is someone who is able to return equivalent amounts of energy to the giver so that the energy flow is balanced. A taker is someone who doesn’t return energy to the giver for a variety of reasons – either they can’t, or they don’t believe they can, or they don’t know how (usually a combination of these reasons).
When confronted with a taker, our first reaction is to give even more, until they finally give us energy back. But that won’t happen, and they will continue to take energy until we, frustrated, stop giving.
Then they will look for another giver. You cannot turn a taker into a receiver, that is a choice they have to make for themselves, and that involves a deep transformation that can only be done by a force higher than you.
The problem is not just with the taker, who is limited by beliefs that there is not enough, that they are not enough, that they have no strength, and their problems with self-esteem, confidence and affirmation. The giver often chooses to give to a taker because the giver has problems receiving, they don’t really believe in the value of what they give, and they also have self-confidence issues.
They can describe the taker as a vacuum cleaner that sucks up everything, think of what comes out of a vacuum cleaner: dust and dirt. Takers don’t give back because they don’t think they have anything to give, they are sad, unfulfilled, and they feel inferior, even though they love all the energy you give and take it easy from you.
There are two steps to having relationships that are energetically balanced, that have equal inflow and outflow. The first is to cultivate your own ability to receive. Whether you are a giver or a taker, it is the ability to receive (rather than give or take too much) that creates energy imbalances in your relationships.
The second step is to cultivate your self-worth and the sense that you deserve something. It is your own self-esteem and self-confidence problems that prevent you from receiving, and that keep you constantly giving to others.
And there are also power themes at play, for the person who insists on always being the giver is the one who controls the amount, timing, flow, and direction of the energy in relationships.
This is something to consider as you consider allowing yourself to receive and give. Choose relationships that can give you something, and learn to enjoy the balance of sharing, partnership and energy in all your relationships. Finally, give with an open heart and without expectations, but balance your giving with a willingness to receive and you will certainly be fulfilled and filled.