The Father Wound (11 Characteristics): How to Heal the Trauma of an Emotionally or Physically Absent Father

Narcissistic Father

An emotionally or physically absent father leads to a father wound. How do you recognize this trauma in yourself? Miranda , mental health coach, shares 11 characteristics in this article and explains how you can heal this wound. “If we deny our injuries for a long time, physical complaints arise. As crazy as it may sound, this is a blessing.”

Growing up with an emotionally or physically absent father determines how you will be in romantic relationships later on, as he is your first male “attachment figure.”

Pain that parents pass on

We grow up with our parent(s) or guardians and generally they give us everything they can. They do their best to raise us the best they can, hopefully with love and warmth. But our parents can’t give us what they simply don’t have. Our parents are children themselves, of their parents. And their parents are their parents’ children again and so on.

What our parents did not receive, they in turn cannot pass on to us. In this way you see that certain situations are repeated time and again within generations. Until there is a person who becomes aware of the pattern and who is ready and willing to develop personally. He or she shines a light on the pain point that is carried and passed on for generations. This could be, for example, the absence of a father.

Great sense of insecurity

In this article I take a closer look at the father wound. It has been a big life theme for me. I’ve had to learn to deal with an emotionally absent father in my life. Growing up with an emotionally or physically absent father leaves deep wounds, a hole in your soul. It determines how you will be in love relationships later on, because he is your first male “attachment figure.” It puts a stamp on your self-esteem. It leaves a mark on your enjoyment of life. A child needs the presence, unconditional love, support and care of its father. This allows it to grow up to be a balanced person. The child has the confidence that it can discover the world in safety, and that it can take new steps. Knowing that his father is there for support.

The moment this father is not there emotionally or physically, this gives a feeling of insecurity. There is no safe father figure to fall back on. This has psychological consequences for the child, and later for the adult. Personally, I have struggled with my father’s emotional absence. The road to healing was long. But now I can say that I am especially grateful. The pain I experienced has made me live more consciously and grow.

Narcissistic Father

This is how you recognize a father wound

You may be in a similar process. Perhaps the relationship you have with your father is not what you hoped and you experience disappointment and sadness. Every situation is unique and everything that happens in your life has value – even if you usually can’t see it at the time. Events, especially painful ones, are there for you to grow and evolve. That is why we are here on Earth.

Read through the list below and ask yourself whether this applies to you. If you answer yes to most questions, then you know you are dealing with a father wound. And once you know this, you are aware of what you are allowed to work on. You do this mainly for yourself, not to change your father. You work on yourself because you deserve and deserve a more beautiful and happier life.

This listing is written from the daughter’s perspective. If you are a man reading this article, please replace the word ‘men’ with ‘women’.

Do you recognize yourself in this?

  1. You have little self-confidence; you don’t feel good enough.
  2. You feel weak.
  3. You are very critical of yourself.
  4. You don’t feel safe in your body.
  5. You have feelings of anger towards men.
  6. You feel like you have to prove yourself.
  7. You have a resistance to discipline and structure.
  8. You don’t trust men.
  9. You attract emotionally unavailable partners.
  10. You are afraid of rejection.
  11. You feel rejected, unloved and you feel no support.

Watching and reliving traumas

Healing the injuries of your childhood takes time, attention and commitment. First, it is important that you become aware of the injuries you have sustained. That’s why you’re reading this article – you didn’t find it for nothing. The second step is the willingness to change, to change ingrained patterns. It takes willingness and guts to dare to face and revive old traumas.

Everything we have experienced and have not yet processed is stored in our body. If we deny our injuries for a long time, physical complaints arise. As crazy as it may sound, this is a blessing. It is a signal from our body that it is time to get to work with unhealed wounds and traumas. Our body is infinitely wise. It can also express itself emotionally. You may be walking around with a lingering sense of unease and melancholy. Life is patient and waits until you are ready to face the trauma.

Choose for yourself and enjoy to the fullest

The third step is to seek help in the healing process. Get support from someone who has experienced this profound process themselves so you don’t have to do it alone. You are not alone, not anymore. If you start walking the path to healing, it will give you a lot. You choose more and more for yourself, you stay true to yourself and you notice that you are able to fully enjoy life.


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