The Path to Healing: Respect for Grief and Grieving

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The Path to Healing: Respect for Grief and Grieving
Nature and our lives share the same intent and purpose, which is to grow and thrive not only biologically but also spiritually. The intelligence of nature leads us to our greatest creativity, goodness, and joy. It is not a question of whether or not that intelligence exists, but whether we are guided by it or not.

In connection with that intelligence – that means: with love itself – we arrive at wholeness and inner peace. When we are cut off from it, through the ego we arrive at the darkness of chaos and sadness. Your free will simply mean that the choice is yours.

Survival mechanisms

The human mind is part of a perfectly orchestrated ecosystem, just like the body is, with survival mechanisms built-in, just like the body has. And it can repair itself, just as the body can. A body cannot survive if it cannot endure a certain amount of injury, and so can the mind. They are both equipped with a wonderful immune system and restorative mechanisms with which they heal injuries and fight against the disease.

With an emotional trauma, you sometimes feel as if you have been beaten, and in a way, you have been beaten: you were beaten by yourself, by someone else, or by life. Inwardly you are then black and blue and you need time to heal. When you are healing physically you have to be careful with your body and when you are healing emotionally you have to be careful with your heart. Anyone who is depressed knows that you can be in as much pain internally as any physical pain.

Sickness and pain are part of life

The Path to Healing: Respect for Grief and Grieving

A certain amount of sickness and pain is simply part of life, and a certain amount of heartache is part of life. It takes time to heal from a physical injury, and it also takes time to heal from an emotional injury. That realization, and making room for that process, is simply part of living wisely. A period of time when your mind is absorbing and processing loss, disappointment, and fear is not an illness. It is not necessarily wrong that you feel that loss, that disappointment, and that fear. It simply means you have bruises and need time to heal.

It’s not lately that people are dying. It is not lately that people experience catastrophic things. It’s not lately that people are heartbreakingly sad. We, humans, have adapted over time to deal with threats, both external and internal. Both physically and mentally we have developed an immune system, and the basis of the mental immune system, that of the mind and the emotional life, is sadness. Grief allows us to gradually process events that are too shocking for the system to process at once.

Acceptance of sadness

You should not avoid grief about the normal losses in life, but rather accept it, and embrace it. It is not an event, but a process best served by complete surrender. When your feelings are deeply hurt, you have to prepare for what is likely to be a painful period, while fully understanding that it will be tough, but you will get through it. You need to equip yourself with everything that will help you do that and gather people around you who can act as healthy, helpful, compassionate companions as you process your loss and go through all those feelings.

The Path to Healing: Respect for Grief and Grieving

Grief comes in waves and lasts as long as it lasts. Telling yourself to hurry up, to push through, to ‘get over it is the last thing you should do. You wouldn’t say that to your body and you shouldn’t say that to your soul either.

Really something of now: rushing what you shouldn’t rush

One of the neuroses of the modern age is the tendency to rush things you should not rush. We’ve taken the rules for successful business operations and applied them to just about everything. If we are “less productive” for a while because of something, there must be something wrong. But ultimately, what could be more “productive” than leaving deep and debilitating grief behind and regaining your inner peace and tranquility?

The right time to be heartbroken is when you get heartbreaking news. Just as an expectant mother sometimes gives her pregnancy the best service by sitting or lying comfortably with her feet up and a cup of chamomile tea, so in times of sorrow we allow the next phase of our lives to sprout, and that process we serve the mostly by simply giving it space.

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We must rest in who we are and in how we feel at the moment. By being kind to ourselves, we make room for the gigantic processes that take place deep inside us. Spiritually, we are constantly dying and being born all the time.

Respect for sadness

Those who feel the right amount of respect for sadness give themselves more permission to feel and live through that sadness. I remember there were times when grief and deep grief were much more valued. People were not supposed to bounce back simply and quickly after the death of a loved one. Relatives may have worn black (a color that was unusual at the time) for a year as a sign of their mourning. It was simply assumed that someone would not be themselves for a while, and that gave the mourner the feeling that it was allowed not to be themselves.

Today, people are prone to feeling guilty when someone says, “It’s been a month since your mother died. Aren’t you over it yet?’ It’s more than okay at such a time, in fact very healthy, to say, ‘No, I’m not over it yet and it probably will take a while.’

Mourning: an intense and important experience

We are not machines. We are people. And when we grieve and grieve, we go through an intense and important experience. A sad period can be a sacred period. It won’t instantly make you less sad if you respect your feelings and your heart when you’re grieving, and try to stay very close to God during such a time, but it will make your grief more understandable.

The Path to Healing: Respect for Grief and Grieving

Living in a sacred and sacred universe takes on a different view of things emotionally: life takes on a deeper meaning because you choose to look at it from a deeper perspective. You choose to view everything, even your misery, within the context of the depth in which you want to learn to love.

Going through your wounds

No matter what happens in your life, you have the choice of whether you want to go deep or stay shallow. And if you want to go deep in life, you feel your feelings deep down. In times of great sorrow, wounds that were previously covered can painfully open again. Those injuries don’t have to be yours alone but could belong to entire generations before you, or to all of society. Going through that suffering with a wide-open heart is not for sissies, but for seekers. Those injuries kept you from being who you can be, and having them come up in order to be healed is part of your path to enlightenment.

And in the process, if you are forced into a searing pain that sometimes seems unbearable, you may cry. And that’s okay.

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