Right now, if not always, my own anger is especially triggered when I seem to get stuck in the structure and routine of our family life. I then feel restricted, after which an enormous urge for freedom arises, which I will fight if I have to. It’s not what my husband does, says, or wants, it’s on subtler levels of our dynamics. And this morning there he was, suddenly: that anger. So I had a good look at myself, in that energy, and what happens then.
Male and female anger
First of all, there is a difference between male and female anger. Men discharge faster, throw out the energy, and then their air is cleared. Women suppress more, and the energy of destruction goes ‘underground’. They direct the anger on themselves. He becomes visible in the form of irritation, frustration, blame, complaining, fatigue, depression or physical complaints. In short, the coin of anger is more likely to fall on the side of implosion, powerlessness and victimization for women, while it is more likely to fall on the other side for men; that of explosion, power and perpetration.
The Power of the Warrior
When I tried to mask my anger more than it does today, it mainly came out in the form of irritation and ‘scalding’: being angry, but not speaking. Unfortunately to my surroundings he was as palpable as a bat. In the meantime I have progressed somewhat further on the path of wisdom, but still: I am still looking for the solution for anger.
In any case, the first step is to make contact. Descend into my body and look for the energy, give it space. As soon as I let him in, my whole energy system starts moving; it starts to flow. My pelvis comes alive, increasing my sense of bottom and safety. I better set boundaries. It also leads to clarity and insight.
When I am in touch with my anger (disconnected from the ‘story’ and the judgments) I experience the power of the warrior, who makes sure I take good care of myself, take action when necessary, and go straight cuts all nonsense (my and my husband’s).
The pitfall of the heart
The biggest pitfall for sensitive people is their well-developed heart. In case of conflict or dissatisfaction, that just starts to work a little harder. We show more understanding, we tap into love a little more deeply, we accept what is there, and the anger subsides. And that’s a shame. For anger that is consciously experienced brings a different kind of energy into the field. It is best described as ‘alive’, ‘full’ and ‘fertile’.
The trap of belief
The second pitfall for many women (and sensitive men) is that they can’t feel their aggression, which leads them to become convinced they don’t have it. Logical: we are never positively reflected in that area, anger is consistently rejected, it is unwanted.
From experience I know that your energy field, at the beginning of this process,In the past, instead of getting angry, I broke down in tears at lightning speed. Of course I thought I was sad about what was being done to me (and of course that sadness is there too), but the insight that gradually arose is that tears are often also a defense mechanism. My energy field was simply too tight to allow the anger to flow. Crying took the pressure off the kettle.
The pitfall of fear
The last pitfall is that of fear. Sensitive people are often afraid of anger because it can come in so hard. But it goes deeper than that; in highly sensitive, spiritually talented people, the upper chakras (from the heart upwards) are generally more developed than the lower ones.
‘Security’, ‘right to exist’ and ‘aggression’ (all of which belong in the first two chakras) are the themes they struggle with. Moreover, these themes can be traced directly to the violence they experienced in the earliest phase of their development. (How that works is an article in itself, so more on that later.) Anger and fear are inextricably linked in their system, with the first lying below the second.
In part 2 you will read about the steps you can take to get in touch with your anger so that it will work for you, instead of against you.