It is a law of physics that a child is most closely connected with the mother, after all she literally springs from her. When my son was 5 years old he said to me: ‘Mommy, I belong more to you, and that’s because I come from you’. And he’s right. However, this does not mean that a father is less important, on the contrary, a child needs both the protection of the mother and the strength of the father, which is necessary to deal with the society in which we live. This is how balance is created. And sometimes the roles are reversed and that’s okay too.
Whether you are a father or mother, if you learn to look closely at your child, you can learn a lot about yourself. I speak sincerely from my own experiences – see also my article about mirroring behavior – but also see it with some regularity in my practice and in the daily life in which I like to observe. For example, this week I spoke to a mother who had visited my practice.
She told me that her child opened his mouth for the first time at school, he talked about his vacation on a chair, even sat at the front of the class and answered all the questions. He had never done that before. And quite coincidentally, for the first time in her life, his mother had stopped talking when she disagreed with her partner. “He’s sparkling again,” his mother says.
This week I was also literally a spectator of a special story, which really counts as a testimony of the pure connection between mother and child. The girl (2 years old) suffers from tantrums, so out of the blue (seems) she attacks her brother and sister. They come together in my practice. The girl doesn’t look at me, let alone let me touch her. Unfortunately, that’s not always necessary. When I talk to her mother, she falls asleep. In the meantime I had decided not to make direct contact with her anymore.
Normally I start either with the child or with the parent, usually that is the mother, but now they were together. I start with a light touch on the girl’s back, I feel a little hesitation, a bit of resistance, and because that’s allowed, I can continue. I touch on a few more points to which she responds in the same way. She continues to sleep and it now feels better to go a little more distant. We let all the energy of the mother flow back to the mother through me and the beautiful energy of the girl may return to herself. The mother indicates that her daughter literally feels much lighter.
Then we will discharge on various layers, we start with physical blockages and I do this for both the girl and the mother at the same time. And everything that belongs to the daughter and hers may be felt and accepted by the mother. We feel a huge load flowing out together, which manifested itself as a blockage at her neck (and that while she still thought she didn’t have that much tension outside the normal pressure of a family with 3 sensitive children).
Layer by layer we make progress and various themes are touched upon. The great thing about this treatment is that the girl on my lap was often just ahead of me. Arriving at an emotional release she just started to cry and when the load was ready and a new theme came up, she started to cry again and so it was very clear when it was finished. For the mother it felt like a release and a huge relief.
Finally, when we have healed part of the mother’s childhood, the little lady – who had woken up by now – turns around and together we see a completely different child with a clear eye. In this way mother and child are connected to each other. I know that and I also know what happens when you, as a mother, can give a place to a part of your past, but I still think it’s very special. And I’m glad I can be there again and again. That’s really lucky!
After the session, mother sends me the following message :
Thank you for the great consultation yesterday. Then think you have already cleaned up a lot, but still more subtle layers are being peeled off…
Amazingly beautiful how my daughter let herself go in her own way, this made the experience all the more intense for me and so palpable in my heart energy.
I woke up this morning without fatigue, pain in my body and with open visor. delicious! Thanks again, and who knows, see you soon!
A few days later I receive the following message :
‘There is a clear development. As if the space between my daughter and me has become wider. She is very happy, smiles a lot (she didn’t before!) and very infectious. She has said more (new) words this week than all the time before!
It also seems like she can handle more incentives. Had summer parties this weekend with a fair. Normally she would be completely mad, but in the evening she had a nice shower and she slept like a marmot! Also wonderfully relaxed.
Arms next to her head, and even a smile on her face (never seen before). It’s also special that she didn’t lift a finger to her brother and sister… They played beautifully together this weekend, they were able to enjoy it so intensely!!!
I feel like I have more decisiveness. It’s like there’s a blur out of my head. I feel powerful, and see things clearly. So all in all, quite a lot has happened (although I think that falls under the heading of understatement myself).
Best regards and thanks again! ‘
What can you do?
The more you are in balance, the more you see that reflected in your child and the easier it will be to deal with your child’s experiences, which you will undoubtedly encounter.
All too often we want to do it right and we don’t want our children to go through the same pain we went through. And we do everything for that. That sounds logical, but as long as a parent continues to carry his own pain, then it is inevitable that your child will also remain stuck and continue to mirror. Only when you let go, then it can also change for your child.
Give it a try
- Feel what you feel, possibly with the help of meditation. Feel what you feel yourself, feel your own pain if your child is not doing well. You can do that by asking yourself if it might have something to do with you. You could do that by asking yourself the following question: ‘What does this say about me?’ This means that you can stay in touch with yourself or return to it and because you continue to feel what you feel, you will notice that you are letting go more and more.
- Never blame someone else and realize that you (and your child) attract your own experiences so it always has to do with yourself. Without that there is any question of own fault and intent. With this step you take back your own responsibility: only you are responsible for your experiences and for your feelings. And also realize that you often have to deal with children, that it is not so bad what they do.
- Take back your own energy every day (possibly from your child) and send away everything that is not yours. You can do this with a command where you continue to focus from rest on your breathing and on what you feel in your body just by staying with your attention.
- Teach your child to do the same if, for example, something is playing at school. Then sit quietly opposite each other and gently guide your child through the 2 steps (as in 3) and ask him to keep breathing and feel what is happening in his body.
For the smaller children you can imagine (visualize) this happening or you can take the place of your child yourself.
If you learn to look closely at your child, you can learn a lot about yourself. If you acknowledge your own pain, you stay connected and you can guide your child from there, from balance. Then it will be a lot easier.
Above all, leave others alone and do not tamper with situations too much. That creates more imbalance and then you feed everything you DO NOT want. then it becomes bigger and practically impossible to get out properly. And that is reflected in the behavior of your child.
Rather take back your own responsibility by realizing that you attract your own experiences, also the experiences of your child, so that it always (also) has to do with you. Rather, build more peace within yourself so that you can begin to attract a different kind of experience.
How do you do that: building peace
Imagine that in you there is a vessel, a vessel of flames. Those flames can only be fed with peaceful thoughts. Hold that for a minute by keeping your attention on this vessel of flames and peaceful thoughts. And feel what you feel. Then imagine that no negative thought or act of another can touch that flame, because it can only be fed with peaceful thoughts. Negative thoughts can’t even get to it.
If you keep this up for a while, you will keep yourself more upright, you will no longer let yourself be so overwhelmed, not by your own thoughts and not by the thoughts, words and actions of others. In this way you create real peace in yourself and therefore also around you. Then peace and tranquility will arise in you, then you will be in balance and then your child can follow!