‘Don’t let yourself be known…’
‘Don’t let that show you…’
‘Just bite your teeth’
You probably heard the above sentences often as a child. In the event of a fall, a collision, a pain, …
You probably even say it to your baby/toddler: ‘It’s not so bad …’ Especially because we have the feeling and because we fear that paying attention will only make it worse.
I said to my children when they often fell ‘French fries’ because ‘Boom fries’ caused them to cry. At ‘Fries’ they got up again as if nothing had happened.
It started with an attitude
And – unintentionally – we set a whole mechanism in motion. Because after the physical pains, we also minimize the soul pains, the anger, the sadness, the disappointment, …
We teach our children to be good, to swallow, get up and carry on.
Anyway, I was led to believe that in between a generation has been bred that has been treated with gentleness and everyone is grumbling about that.
But many of us today still bear the consequences of our ‘great’ upbringing in the past. Especially women. After all, they have learned that ‘going into drama’ is not as efficient and productive. They are extra urged to put their emotions aside every now and then and to do what needs to be done.
And that’s how ‘the pottekes’ are created
A little sad because hubby makes a negative statement? We just put that in a jar, put the lid on it and somewhere in the back in the deepest drawer of the cupboard.
A little angry because your mommy makes you feel bad about how you run your household? Simply put in a jar, cover it and put it in the cupboard.
Disappointed with your son’s report, worried about your daughter’s new boyfriend, annoyed by the gossip of the mothers at the school gate, annoyed by your neighbor’s backbiting, shocked by your sister’s ranting, …. All in a pot, lid on it and … that’s right, in that cupboard. Far away in the deepest back drawer.
And then ‘the days of the month’ arrive, we prepare ourselves to get through the day extra hard – despite the stomach cramps and the balloon feeling – so that nobody notices that the time has come. You are already hounded at the thought that someone is going to make a comment about your irritability (jar, lid, cupboard), you make yourself wrong for failing to control it every month (jar, lid, closet)
Until they start to rattle…
And then that drawer—sometimes the entire closet—starts to rattle. The pottekes rattle so hard that the cupboard rattles with it. Some jump open, lids come off, contents spit over the cupboard, …
You crawl into bed. You don’t want to know about that closet. You sulk on the couch, you eat kilos of chocolate to feel better, you crawl through a dark tunnel and under your duvet. And light only comes when you let it all go – literally and figuratively.
And then you feel a little better… You close the drawer again, punch a little so that the pottekes get in. And you start again… it starts again.
Over and over again?
And yet there are tools that can solve this problem. And no, I’m not talking about just another dietary supplement. I’m talking about tools that allow you to let go and discharge whenever paralyzing emotions and destructive thoughts arise. Already on the way . Instead of putting it in a jar: discharge, clear, release, …
You can start writing. Every day your feeling of writing off discharges, but also provides insights. A diary is not for writing down your life history (that’s okay, who knows how famous you will become and how much money your grandchildren will make to have your diaries published). But a diary mainly serves to reflect: to take time to think.
You can unload. Emotional Freedom Techniques , for example, is a tool that you can learn yourself to discharge emotional events. And especially to get rid of all those habits that keep you from feeling real: your addictions to coffee, chocolate, cigarettes, …
You can go clear. The tools of Access Consciousness teach you to be more yourself , to recognize that you perceive the world around you and to receive life with ease, joy and glory.
If only we could learn that in school…