Relationship therapist: do you and your partner live past each other? This is how you invest time in each other again

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Relationship therapist: do you and your partner live past each other? This is how you invest time in each other again
A love relationship is not self-evident. For that, you both have to keep doing your best. This requires an investment in time and attention. You should avoid that your contact moments are only about the household or the upbringing of the children. How do you manage that when you both have busy schedules? How can you organize the available time?

Essential Pokon

Have you ever seen the First Dates program? In it, new-fangled dates try to get to know each other during dinner. The clumsy way in which some of the chosen ones inquire about the background of the other is sometimes touching.

Scanning and being interested in each other is the beginner’s attitude of every couple in love. That’s exactly what many couples lack as time goes on. The attention for each other seems to have become natural. As a result, couples have buried their curiosity with the other barely in sight. While that inner clumsy attitude from the early years is indispensable Pokon for your relationship.

Shared sorrow is half sorrow. Shared love is double love

Four contact moments

If you want to avoid drifting away from each other, it’s crucial to have regular conversations and share time. That is the lifeblood of any relationship, just like a plant dries out if it doesn’t get water.

Relationship therapist: do you and your partner live past each other? This is how you invest time in each other again

A practical
example Sonja: ‘It’s great that you want to listen to what it’s like for me when you’re away so often. Is it very important to you to train four times a week?’
Henk: ‘To be honest, yes. I’m on a schedule and I doubt I can run the triathlon without training that way. But would it help you if I made it three times a week?’
Sonja: ‘Yes, that would be great. Only: don’t you worry about whether that match will be successful?’
Henk: ‘The triathlon won’t get any easier. But I also want to take you into account.’

The ‘Talten Lucht Op’ program contains four contact moments that every relationship needs on a monthly basis.

Activity

 

Time investment Goal
1. In-depth conversation 45 minutes to one and a half hours a week at a fixed time Have genuine interest and attention for each other. Talking about important matters
2. Going through the day Half an hour a day when you get home or when the children are in bed Stay informed of each other’s ups and downs
3. Partner consultation Half an hour a week, for example on Sunday after dinner Being involved with who does what when
4. Doing something fun together An evening or a few hours every two weeks Conviviality and relaxed togetherness

 

Relationship therapist: do you and your partner live past each other? This is how you invest time in each other again

The trick is to make quality time out of the available time. By regularly taking time out for each other, love strengthens. Going for a walk or bike ride is just as important as going away for the weekend. You may have to put other pursuits on the back burner, but making each other a priority will prevent you from becoming alienated from each other. The New Year is a great opportunity to recalibrate your relationship and return to your beginner’s attitude. Then the dinner out will be like having your first date.

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