These are the major consequences of your old pain on your life + this is how you can heal yourself

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These are the major consequences of your old pain on your life + this is how you can heal yourself
Every person walks around with a dose of old pain; happy childhood or not. One suffers more than the other. Old pain is the unprocessed past that still lives in you. These painful memories and/or stressful situations have never been released and are therefore unprocessed. This article  explains where old pain comes from, how to recognize it, and how to resolve it.

A child who is not treated well by his parents does not cease to love his parents, he ceases to love himself.

How does old pain arise?

Old pain is also referred to as the pain body . A baby is utterly helpless and dependent on its caregivers and has very limited resources to communicate that it needs something. The only way a baby can understand love is through fulfilling its needs. But unfortunately, for many, that process goes spectacularly wrong.

They are not adequately cared for – usually without bad intentions. Their cries are not heard, and their hunger is not noticed. No one smiles encouragingly, no one hugs. The baby sees depressed or desperate eyes instead of reassuring eyes. In all love, but also out of ignorance, parents do not always do what is best for their child. As a result, a deep fear of life can arise. Because a baby has no sense of time and space,

A baby experiences extreme insecurity and thus fear of death when the caregiver for whatever reason fails to provide for the basic needs of the child and that is wordlessly translated into ‘I am not loved’ and ‘I am doing it. don’t allow it.’ A child who is not treated well by his parents does not cease to love his parents, he ceases to love himself.

These are the major consequences of your old pain on your life + this is how you can heal yourself

In addition, for the first 2 years of his or her life, it cannot distinguish between itself and the environment. When something bad happens in a small child’s life, it feels bad. And when you feel bad without being able to distinguish between yourself and the environment, you have the experience that you are bad. Everything that comes by of negative influences seems to come from you, through you.

The negative core belief

In this way, every child develops a so-called negative core belief, especially during the first seven years of his life. Very early in your development, you draw the (wrong!) conclusion that you are not good the way you are.

As you get older you translate these feelings into words: ‘I’m not good, I’m worthless, I can’t be there or I’m unwanted.’ Everyone chooses different words for the same feeling of inadequacy, but they are all in line with each other. Almost everyone walks around with such a negative core belief, although it sometimes seems overwhelmed by grandiose behavior.

The consequences of a negative core belief

Because of this negative core belief that you are not good enough, you always interpret difficult situations with this in mind; that you did something wrong. In this way you teach yourself survival mechanisms that unconsciously activate in every situation in which you feel rejected and do not think yourself good enough – consciously or unconsciously!

Something bad happens, you subconsciously conclude that you are bad, and your brain associates that with the early childhood insecurity that triggers the survival system. Then your behavior focuses on gaining approval (love) and preventing rejection, for example by adapting, pleasing or wanting to perform excessively. Either you go completely on the other end of the spectrum to deal with those nasty feelings, you get destructive and say, ‘Fuck it all, or you go on drugs, fall into crime, and everything in between. With the associated consequences in the field of relationships, family, and work.

These are the major consequences of your old pain on your life + this is how you can heal yourself

Someone with a lot of old pain and little self-esteem will tend to think that the world is permanently unsafe and therefore at high risk of being punished, a punishment that he thinks he deserves. Subconsciously, the fearful person thinks that he will be ridiculed behind his back, that he will be fired soon, or that he is an appropriate target to be bullied and rejected, only to fall into disgrace or worse. For the self-hater, fear is a preventive
anticipation of the pain that one subconsciously thinks they deserve, because bad things have to happen to bad people.

When the negative core belief flares up

Nothing fires up that negative core belief like when you’re in love. Or when you have to speak in public. In fact, every moment when you break out in a sweat, your negative core belief plays up. Your self-doubt. Your insecurity. Your fear. During a job application, an audition, meeting new people, entering unknown territory. At some point somewhere you have come to the wrong conclusion that you are not allowed to be who you are or are not worth living. And because this has been so threatening and painful at a very young age, an unconsciously regulated stress pattern has
arisen that triggers the stress response in every comparable situation. Every time you draw this incorrect conclusion, your stress response kicks in.

The biggest problem

The biggest problem is that we’ve learned to be ashamed of those negative emotions instead of dealing with them properly. So when our brain goes into stress we don’t reassure ourselves, no, we get mad at ourselves and blame ourselves for feeling fear.

The cause of almost every emotional as well as many physical problems is linked to old pain to which we have linked the internal belief ‘I am not good enough’. Unhealed trauma has a huge effect on your well-being. Do you recognize yourself in a bit of victimhood? Or uncertainty? Search in confirmation? That you are easily triggered? Get angry quickly? All possibly the result of trauma, or old pain.

These are the major consequences of your old pain on your life + this is how you can heal yourself

The Cure

The cure is not to try to dispel fear with logic, because then fear will always catch up with you. Fear comes from the primal brain and it works much faster than your conscious mind. You never win from that. Fear caused by a lack of self-love is dispelled with love. Love for yourself. To remind yourself that the abuse or neglect of the past is not something we have earned but that those who neglected us have made a mistake, from which we have drawn the wrong conclusion. That’s the mistake. The basic mistake. Because you are fine just the way you are. Point.

The key is love. Discovering that you are good the way you are and realizing that it feels very unsafe when that love has to come exclusively from outside, from our parents, friends, school, success, work. And everything outside of ourselves is constantly subject to change and therefore never one hundred percent reliable. You will find the greatest safety within yourself. If you accept yourself as you are, love yourself unconditionally, if you are allowed to be who you are completely and you can look at other people from that love, you will see that they struggle with exactly the same thing, no matter what it looks like on the outside.

When we are afraid we need – literally and figuratively – a very long hug. When we are afraid we must learn to be kind to ourselves.

 

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