This is why your desire to care for others diminishes as you get older


Are you in the menopause and you suddenly no longer feel like taking care of your children or others? That’s very normal! Now you are going to learn to choose for yourself. I  have several friends in their fifties who, despite the fact that they eat healthy and exercise, do not feel optimal. When I look at their lives, I see certain patterns keep coming back. Patterns that demand to be broken sooner or later.

Café Mama is closing

Many women in their fifties go through a transition phase at some point. I call this: Café Mama is going to close. At the end of a pregnancy, a baby receives less nutrition because the placenta starts to calcify: this is the signal that it is time to be born: café Mama is closing. Around their fifties, the time comes for women to once again close Café Mama: the care hormones oxytocin and estrogen decrease, to make way for relatively more testosterone: the hormone of action and decisiveness. The hormone that asks to put more of ourselves into the world.


No more sense in ‘always worrying’ is because of your hormones

Of course you will remain Mama for the rest of your life and there is absolutely nothing wrong with ‘taking care of’, but it is time to give birth to age-old women’s wisdom and to (partly) replace the constant taking care of others with ‘taking care of yourself’.

This change in hormones causes confusion for many women. They don’t understand why they are suddenly so fed up that their housemates never even do the laundry and they can’t fry an egg yet. They are green and yellow annoyed by the qualities of their partner and children that they could live with for years. They are sick of having to worry all the time, longing for that lovely hammock during the holidays and at the same time feel deeply guilty about it. Still, it’s important to listen to your hormones’ message.

older woman at 50

The secret of blooming after your 50th birthday

According to Dr. Christiane Northrup, a well-known American gynecologist, it becomes very important for women in their fifties to listen to their own needs and desires; only from there can your womanly wisdom be born. Even if you don’t know it yet, your body already knows. If you do not do this, there is a good chance that your body will send out signals in the form of complaints to wake you up.

The secret to thriving after 50 is being willing to change. This also includes a grieving process to let go of what you have not received in your life, or what you have received but are not so happy with. I had to come to terms with the fact that I didn’t have children and failed to maintain a long-lasting love relationship. A grieving process can be a raw process I can tell you.

What are your goals?

According to Dr. Northrup, all complaints, ailments and aches have a message to tell us. The trick is to listen to the emotion that lies beneath and heal it. It is important to take a rest and feel what your own goals in life are. If you don’t have your own goals, you’re probably always working on others. During that period I found out that I had virtually no goals of my own, but had always been occupied with the goals of my employers and partners. I only found out when I ended up in a burnout and I was forced to face this.

After our fifties we have to reinvent ourselves and our lives. This time not based on what others think but based on what we ourselves want and find important. It’s time to start living from your heart but oh oh, that’s easier said than done! Fortunately, as women today, we have a powerful ally on our side: the energy of our universe.

The universe gives us more feminine energy

I know little about astrology but I believe in the influence of the energy of planets on our earth and therefore on us. The moon determines the position of the water on our earth such as ebb and flow. We ourselves consist of 75% water and we are all bundles of pure energy. Why shouldn’t the position of the planets affect us? Astrologically we are moving from the Age of Pisces to the Age of Aquarius. This sounds masculine but is in fact very feminine: because of the special place in the galaxy where we are now, the energy of the earth is accelerating: the vibrations are getting higher.

This is an era where more and more people are becoming more aware and realizing that we are all energy and inextricably linked. It is an era in which we start to feel more and more pure what is right and what is not right and the feminine energy in us starts to feel that much is wrong in our society.

older woman

We are going to feel better and better what is wrong

It is not true that children are dying of hunger and at the same time there are children who are extremely overweight. It is not true that almost half of the people in the rich West have a chronic disease. It is not true that we focus on disease instead of health and that we eat animals that have not had a decent life and products full of chemicals. It is not true that so many people live below the poverty line. It is not true that we are emptying oceans and that big companies are in control everywhere and even our governments are dancing to the tune of these companies.

The Dalai Lama has said that the changes in the world must come from the women of the west. We are the first generation of women who can inform ourselves very well, connect with like-minded people thanks to the internet and exert great influence.

Feminine energy will take up more space

All around I see women standing up and making themselves heard. Women start their own businesses (as scary as they may find it) to make the world a bit more beautiful and are successful at it. Successful, especially in the sense that they experience pleasure and meaning from it, but also that they earn their own income with it.

Women are concerned with nutrition and health in the broadest sense of the word. Two areas in which business is very powerful: the food industry and the pharmaceutical industry. Yet together we are much more powerful because they depend on our purchases. We have great influence with our diet and purchasing behaviour.

In addition, the word patient comes from the Latin word pati which means “suffering” or something like “subject”. If we no longer act as a patient but as a client to our doctors and take responsibility for our health in our own hands, we will also change the world.

What is my body trying to tell me?

I walked around with all kinds of physical complaints for a year before I ended up in a burnout and had to listen to my body. I went through the grieving process and came to realize that certain things were not right in my life. My diet was wrong, my job was no longer right and my relationship at the time no longer worked. That was seven years ago. I now eat differently, I have my own business and a wonderful new partner has come into my life. I have responded to my own needs, have formulated my own goals and am working on achieving them step by step.

My physical complaints have disappeared. When one pops up, I seek the silence and wonder what message my body is trying to tell me this time.

Feeling good is your own responsibility

If you experience physical discomfort, ask yourself what is not right in your life. Find the silence and dive into the depths. Ask what this complaint is trying to tell you and listen to what comes up. Promise yourself that you don’t have to take action right away, that can be very scary, but that the first thing is to get clarity. The rest will come later.

Discuss what you have discovered or what you are feeling with your partner or a friend. Speaking out is very important to release emotions that have been stuck. Also, don’t be afraid to seek help, there are so many beautiful women out there who have the knowledge and experience to take you one step further.

The most important thing I have discovered is that no one is responsible for my happiness. Making myself happy, making me feel good, is my own responsibility and nobody else’s. This insight gives me a great sense of freedom. Today I feel so free that, more than ever, I can choose deep connection with others. Which I do with a lot of love.


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