8 Simple Tips To Stop Self Pity For Good

Extremely Jealous

Do you recognize that overpowering feeling of self pity ?

Are you convinced that everything is always against you?

Do you want to go through life happily again without being tormented by that sad feeling?

Then I have good news for you: there are plenty of solutions to stop self pity. Be sure to read on to learn about my 8 simple tips.

In this blog you will learn what self pity exactly is and how you can recognize it in yourself or someone else. You also get simple tips to stop self pity for good.

What is self-pity?

Self-pity is a form of self-pity. With self-pity you experience such an intense feeling of powerlessness and you feel so pathetic that you put yourself in a victim role.

You can feel sorry for yourself because you have ended up in a certain situation, because your life is not going as you would like or because you do not live up to a certain ideal.

Do you recognize this?

Monday morning 8 o’clock. You look at the clock and notice that you overslept. You will never be able to get to work on time.

You ask your partner for help with walking the dog, but your partner also has to leave urgently. You then decide to leave without breakfast.

Along the way, tears well up in your eyes and wallowing in self-pity you wonder why you always have to bear all the responsibility… 

At first, self-pity can feel very comfortable. You see yourself as a victim and place the blame for this on someone else or in certain situations.

You bemoan yourself about what is happening to you and about what is going wrong in your environment. You are convinced you can’t change anything about this, so you don’t take any initiative to do so.

In fact, self-pity is a form of fear, the fear of being confronted with your own limitations to take your life into your own hands. After all, it’s much easier to watch from the sidelines and see yourself as a victim than to act proactively.

Life is indeed not always nice and sometimes you are confronted with problems that are difficult to overcome.

Most people realize that life is just that way. Others have a much harder time with this and then the step to self-pity is quickly taken.

Yet there is a big difference between not feeling like it anymore and self-pity. But what exactly is inherent in self-pity and how can you recognize this?


How do you recognize self-pity in yourself or in someone else?

Signal 1: Victim role

People who feel sorry for themselves actually place themselves in a victim role.

You are convinced that you are the victim of what is happening to you.

And that only you negative things happen to you and that you can do nothing but sit and watch your life go all wrong.


Signal 2: you shift the blame away from you

Very often, self-pity makes people shift the blame. It is society’s fault that you have ended up in a certain situation.

It may be the fault of people around you that you are not happy or that your current circumstances are due to your bad childhood, disability, etc.


Signal 3: resignation to fate

When you wallow in self-pity, it is typical that you do not take the initiative to do anything about your situation.

You passively accept what happens to you. Taking action doesn’t even occur to you…

The reason for this is that self-pity is actually quite comfortable and they often don’t feel confident enough to look for solutions.


Signal 4: refusing help

It is precisely because self-pity can be so comfortable that many people refuse help from others.

What if someone forces you to approach life differently and take action?

What if someone points out that you are not a victim, but that you are responsible for what happens to you?


Signal 5: Relinquish power

If you are filled with pity, you are convinced that you do things against your will every day.

Initially you will just keep doing things because these are tasks that are part of life.

In time, however, this person will realize that it is much easier to resign and relinquish power over life.

People who complain on a daily basis start doing things on automatic pilot, as it were, without showing any emotion.

Self-pity has a major impact not only on your own life, but also on that of people around you.

In the beginning, these will do everything they can to rid you of this annoying feeling that actually confirms you in your self-pity.

Tips To Stop Self Pity For Good

Living with someone who wallows in self-pity really isn’t easy. Because you place yourself in a victim role, you often put the blame on others.

Result: social contacts become less, which once again confirms you in your feeling that you are all alone and your self-pity increases.

Because of the great social impact that self-pity can have, it is important to stop this negative emotion in time. That is why I have 8 effective tips for you:

How do you stop self-pity? Tips To Stop Self-Pity For Good

Tip 1: Embrace yourself

If things don’t go quite as you wish, feel free to empathize with yourself for a while.

This is a healthy form of self-pity and is described by scientists as self-compassion .

Scientifically Proven: Kristin Neff, a senior lecturer in educational psychology at the University of Texas and an expert in self-compassion, has conducted extensive research into how self-compassion can help you avoid self-pity.

She describes self-compassion as follows: ” With self-compassion, we approach ourselves with the same kindness and care that we would give to a good friend.”

So it’s okay to give in to negative emotions when things don’t work out for you.

If you don’t, you will continue to carry it around and, over time, you will find yourself in a downward spiral of self-pity.


Tip 2: Work on your self-confidence

Even people with a good dose of self-confidence sometimes have their doubts and in some situations they don’t feel as strong as they pretend to be.

However, their characteristic is that they do not shy away from any challenge. On the contrary, special challenges give them the strength to surpass themselves.

If you’re in a difficult situation, self-pity really won’t fix it.

Convince yourself that not all situations are easy and that your confidence is strong enough to withstand difficult circumstances.

Tips To Stop Self Pity For Good

In English there is a wonderful expression for this: ‘When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!’ Go for it, no matter how harsh the conditions may be.


Tip 3: Don’t waste your time on self-pity

Time is a precious. Any moment that you wallow in self-pity is wasted time. Just think of all the positive things you can do during the minutes you’re complaining about.

It really isn’t worth wasting your precious time thinking about how pathetic you think you are.

So try to use your precious time to find solutions for the situation you find yourself in.

These solutions can give your life a completely different turn, so that you can also regain your self-confidence and trust in others or in certain situations.

Tip 4: Stop asking yourself the question ‘why’

Self-pitying people often ask the question ‘why?’

Why should that happen to me? Why don’t I look better? Why am I always on my own?

The problem with these ‘why questions’ is that you can’t really formulate an effective answer to them.

On the contrary, every question that starts with ‘why’ will leave you stuck in your current situation, further reinforcing the feeling of being a victim.

If you still want to communicate with your inner self and ask yourself questions, try replacing the word ‘why’ with another question word.

This way you can ask yourself: ‘How can I change the situation?’ Or “What can I do to fix this problem?”.

Over time, you will find that by asking yourself these questions, you will act proactively and wallow less in self-pity.


Tip 5: Change your view on things

How we feel often determines the way we view things.

If you feel sad, you will experience a small setback as something insurmountable. If you are under stress, a fairly simple assignment often seems much more difficult than it actually is.

Things are not always as they seem. It is more often our emotions that are at the root of self-pity than how things really are.

Once you realize that the way you react is related to how you feel, try looking at things from a distance

This way you see things completely differently and you can avoid wallowing in self-pity.

Tip 6: Be thankful for all the positive things

One of the main reasons for self-pity is to focus on negative things.

Something goes wrong for everyone, that’s life.

If you tend to feel self-pity, try to focus as much as possible on the positive things in life. You probably have a lot more to be thankful for than you think.

A useful tool for this is keeping a diary. Try to write down 5 to 10 things every day that make you happy and for which you are grateful.

Is something going wrong and do you have the feeling that everything is against you?

Then flip through your journal and before you know it all those positive things will mean that there is no reason at all to feel sorry for yourself.

Tip 7: Compare yourself with people who are less fortunate

If for some reason you feel that you are in danger of indulging in self-pity, think very consciously about all the people who are far less fortunate than you.

While you bemoan the fact that you have to start work at 7am, there are people who don’t know how they will pay for their evening meal.

If you feel sorry for yourself for cleaning instead of going out, be aware that there are people somewhere in the world who don’t have a roof over their heads.


Tip 8: Take responsibility and change your mindset

Self-pity is an emotion that will get you nowhere in the long run.

Feeling for a moment that everything is going wrong is very human, but wallowing in self-pity is not a solution at all.

Taking action to put your negative thoughts behind you this is. So change your mindset!

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