13 Essential Tips When Divorcing A Narcissist

Best Tips For Setting Boundaries In Your Relationship

Are you in a relationship with a narcissist and want to divorce a narcissist?

Then prepare yourself for a difficult period.

It really is an emotional rollercoaster to separate from a narcissist.

Your narcissistic ex-partner will do anything to maintain power and control and destroy you.

But with the right preparations, you can limit the suffering of yourself and your children during the divorce. My tips in this article will help you!

Read this extensive article tips carefully, so that you are no longer faced with unpleasant surprises.

Divorcing a Narcissist: Tips When Divorcing A Narcissist

Tip 1: Realize that your ex-partner wants to win

Divorce actually has no real winners, only losers.

But with a bit of luck, there is a fair distribution of responsibilities and possessions.

This is not the narcissist’s premise. The narcissist sees himself as a victim and you as the culprit.

So the narcissist is by no means willing to find a middle ground.

During the divorce of a narcissist, the lies and manipulations by your narcissistic ex-partner will continue, and more violently than ever.

Tip 2: ‘The game’ continues

The game that the narcissist has been playing for years is the game of power, winning, recognition and being better than the rest.

Your narcissistic ex-partner will continue to play this game, including in court.

Your narcissistic ex-partner is capable of many objections, making false and irrelevant accusations against you, wasting time and doing everything possible to portray you as a neglectful parent.

Your ex-partner’s goal is to pressure you into giving up the fight.

Tip 3: Your partner does not take emotional consequences into account

One of the main hallmarks of narcissism is a lack of empathy, and this shows itself more than ever when divorcing a narcissist.

Your narcissistic ex-partner has absolutely no regard for the emotional consequences of his actions for you or your children. This doesn’t even occur to your ex-partner.

Therefore, make sure that you are strong in your own shoes, but also keep in mind that your narcissistic ex-partner does not hold back to inflict less damage on your children.

The narcissist does not do this consciously, but is part of the psychological disorder that narcissism is.

Tip 4: It’s all about power and control

The narcissist also uses the lawsuit, lawyers, objections and difficulties to continue to exercise his/her power and control over you.

Unfortunately, this also means that the narcissist doesn’t care how long it takes to finalize and settle the divorce.

You probably want to resolve this process and put it behind you as quickly as possible, but for the narcissist, this is a way to keep you within their zone of influence.

Tip 5: Your ex wants you to wave the white flag

Winning is not enough, your ex-partner wants to beat you.

Only then does the narcissist feel good. Therefore, a lawsuit and a divorce is fought like a war of attrition.


Tip 6: The strategy of the narcissistic ex-partner

Be aware of a strategy that the narcissist uses during the divorce.

Going to court means that the judge decides.

This is a comfortable way for the narcissist, as it means that the narcissist does not have to take responsibility for the outcome, especially when the narcissist loses.

This sounds paradoxical, but relinquishing control gives the narcissist the illusion that he/she retains control.

Tip 7: The narcissist will object

The narcissist will want to gain as much time as possible.

So be prepared for a long duration, objections and requests that slow down the entire process.

Divorcing a narcissist will take a lot of time.

The narcissist will always present himself as a victim, and will underline this with lies and manipulations if necessary, even when the arguments are completely irrelevant.

The narcissist feeds on this. These are his/her strategy, and it is up to you to refute or block the objections, lies and requests.

Tip 8: Your ex-partner will refuse to maintain or settle

Time is one of the arrows in your narcissistic ex-partner’s bow. Divorcing a narcissist will take a very long time.

This is a game for the narcissist, and the goal is to break you. So your ex-partner uses time as a weapon.

They will give very low proposals and proposals that are total madness.

Or they don’t respond to all aspects of a proposal to negotiate. Your ex-partner will not look for a middle ground.

divorcing a narcissist

The narcissist probably sees the entire divorce procedure as a kind of necessary threshold, but one that he/she will overcome.


Tip 9: Your ex-partner will make you black

Your partner will throw anything to blackmail you, increase paperwork, increase costs and extend time. After a while, nothing will surprise you anymore.

This is part of the narcissist’s lack of empathy, lack of understanding of the consequences, and deep desire to win. All  characteristics of a narcissist .

Your ex-partner will also make you black towards your friends, family, children and colleagues.

The goal is to inflict damage on you, including reputational damage, emotional damage and social damage.


Tip 10: Enlist professional help

Divorcing a narcissist can be emotionally draining. But you have to persevere.

Therefore, read carefully! Start by understanding what narcissism actually is .

Then you know what happened, but you also understand the reactions of your narcissistic ex-partner . Then you can better respond to the situation.

Knowledge is extremely important.

But also enlist the help of a therapist who specializes in narcissism. Not a relationship therapist, but a therapist for yourself. The therapist can help and support you:

  • To make the right decisions.
  • To respond appropriately to the narcissist’s convulsions and attempts to maintain control over you.
  • So that you too will come out of this situation well. This professional emotional support is also very important.

Tip 11: Make sure your lawyer is aware of the situation

It is not always immediately clear that your ex-partner is a narcissist. So inform your lawyer about this immediately.

Then your lawyer can be proactive in thwarting and dealing with your narcissistic ex-partner.

Tips When Divorcing A Narcissist
Tip 12: Keep proofs and copies of everything

Expect a he said/she said discussion and that you will be vilified by your ex-partner.

So keep a record of anything that could possibly be relevant, as this can greatly help you to have counter-evidence for your ex-partner’s lies and mud-slinging.

Tip 13: Keep a cool head and don’t fall into the traps of your ex-partner

Your narcissistic ex-partner’s goal is to break you so that your ex-partner wins.

So do not fall into his/her pitfalls, because this will damage your position in the divorce procedure.

So do not send angry messages, do not shout, do not show impotence and do not threaten or intimidate.

All of these actions will almost certainly be used against you by your narcissistic ex-partner.

Realize that your ex wants to control the story to maintain his/her own self-esteem.

He/she will therefore use everything to see and portray himself as a victim.

He will stop at nothing. He/she will also use this to convince your friends, family and children that your ex is the victim and to break you.

The better prepared you are for this, both legally and psychologically, the better you will come out of this.  

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