Transcend the Lies We’ve Learned About Love (+ This Is Love Real)

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Transcend the Lies We've Learned About Love (+ This Is Love Real)
What is your idea about love? That it is grand, compelling, and often painful? Is it based on romantic stories? Spiritual teacher Don Miguel Ruiz argues for a different view of love. ‘Love expects or demands nothing. She is the force of life itself, unconditionally.’ Read how beautiful love really is and let go of the learned stories about it.

Stories related to love, we found, were very effective. The more dramatic the better.

The story of love

The word ‘story’ can refer to a literary story: a love novel, but also a love story
in a movie. These stories have probably taught you a lot about love. At least they taught you how most of humanity imagines love. You will be torn apart by all the crazy ideas people have about love and its compelling mystery.

It seems as if love is accompanied by an invisible book of rules, which most of us have read and memorized. Without really understanding what they are doing, countless generations of people commit crimes both large and small over and over again… all in the name of love.

Transcend the Lies We've Learned About Love (+ This Is Love Real)

What love is not

Love is not the game of illusions and expectations

Love is not what we thought it was. Not the game of illusions and expectations that we are encouraged to play with each other. Not something to make money from or an exchange of services. Not a game where dreams come true or fall apart.

Love is not pain

Many of us associate love with hopeless hope, heartbreak, and betrayal. We often assume that love is a series of brief pleasures and painful loss. We deal with the subject of love in similar ways, reflecting the attitudes of others. We sing of love’s wonders and cry over its disappointments.

Love is not a silly emotion

For some, love is a happy choice. For others, it is an unwelcome attack on the nervous system. Love is a sacred blessing or a foolish emotion. People approach love in their own way, but usually they expect it to hurt sooner or later.

Love is not just sex

We often use the word “love” when we are actually talking about sex, or about our attempts to have sex. The urge to procreate is evidence of life’s programming; society’s programming is responsible for the stories we tell about it. Whichever way we talk about love, we’d all like to hook up with a loved one one way or the other. From puberty, sex is our internal motivation. As adults, however, we are annoyed by the obsession of many young people with sex. Just because we ourselves have forgotten our crazy, all-consuming need for sex until we are overtaken by it again.

Love is not made up of inhibitions

Transcend the Lies We've Learned About Love (+ This Is Love Real)

Love is also the excuse that underlies many of our inhibitions. We judge our love for ourselves because we are convinced that our bodies are not worthy of our immense admiration and respect. We see love as the seductive face of fear. As something beautiful that can destroy us. At the same time, we romanticize love in a way that misrepresents the truth.

The consequences of the wrong image of love

The way we love is determined by all kinds of rules and conditions. That is why there are so many problems in the world. These problems affect countries, nature, all of humanity. Whatever culture or period we live in, we tend to misunderstand love. We say love is important, but we keep finding excuses not to appreciate it. We want to receive love, though we think it is dangerous,
and we want to give love, but we don’t do it out of fear.

As a result, we mistrust the one and only thing there is. The love is real. Words are not, they are used to indicate things that are real.

Why we’ve come to see love wrong

Over the centuries, the reflection of truth has become increasingly distorted by man’s most fascinating talent: storytelling. From a young age, you and I learned that stories could stir emotions in people. With practice, we became masters of storytelling, focusing primarily on stories that evoked intense emotion and a little bit of drama. Stories related to love, we found, were
very effective. The more dramatic the better. We started our lives as a perfect reflection of love but learned to reflect love in an imperfect way.

However, our stories about love – which are told to us and which we tell ourselves – are about the opposite of love. They are about the need to be in control or to create a personal drama. The kind of love we see lived out in rom-coms and classic tragedies, leads to all kinds of conflict in our lives.

Language is our art form, and with the help of language, we explain the mysteries of life. We like to clear up the mystery about ourselves. Our stories are always about ourselves. They are about the best and the worst in us. By ‘us’ I mean the human mind. Yes, the body participates in the ride, but the mind tells colorful stories to explain things to itself. All your thoughts and conversations are part of an ongoing story: your story.

What love is

Transcend the Lies We've Learned About Love (+ This Is Love Real)

Love is the creative force of life. We are made of love, and stay alive through love. From that perspective, creation can be seen as ‘love in progress’. You feel its power. You are moved and inspired by it.

You are the creative force of love, shrouded in the matter. The story of love is told in one way. And that story is about how you receive love, deal with it and give it yourself. About how the power of love manifests itself in you, an individual human being. That sounds pretty romantic, but it’s also just a physical fact.

Imagine what happens when you breathe: you take in air that keeps you alive. Oxygen flows through your body. That has a transformative effect on you, and then it’s released in the form of a chemical compound that enriches the environment. It works the same way with love. Love – the life force – flows through you. It has a transformative effect on you, and then it becomes visible in everything you say and do, enriching people’s emotional environment.

Love enters us as pure energy. Love is a force that scares us, causing us to sometimes react to it in ways that make no sense. “I hate him!” is such a way. “She’s not my type at all,” another. Logic is not a defense against love; we shouldn’t have to defend ourselves against it. Love is creative power, truth. You can fight it or fight for it, but whatever you do, you are all love.

Love expects or demands nothing. She is the force of life itself, unconditionally.

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