Maybe this blog is exactly what you need to break through your fear and give yourself something better. To take the steps necessary to become that tough, relaxed, cheerful, life-enjoying woman you want to be.
You feel the desire as throbbing energy in your body
You are done with endless care, running, and toiling. With everything that needs to be done and what everyone wants from you. You feel how it costs you more and more effort, how it demands more and more of your effort and energy, to keep doing this endlessly. Because that’s what you do. Persevere, carry on, and hope that somewhere there is a little space left for yourself. You hope, you long, you long and you want very badly. Only at night do you sit exhausted on the couch, you go to bed with a knot in your stomach, because you again failed to actually DO it.
To say stop when you’re done. Say no if you don’t want to. Take rest when you are tired. Indicate what you need. To choose what you want. Live your life your way. You really want it, you really do.
But you’re scared
Afraid of the ‘how?’ Afraid of the reactions; what your husband says, what your mother thinks, or how your girlfriend reacts. Afraid of the work that remains, for the change, the new, the unknown. Afraid of disappointment because you are not sure you can do it; choosing for yourself, knowing what you need, afraid of the peace, the space, the energy you will get.
And that’s why you continue with what you do know, with what you always do. It just doesn’t make it any more fun that way. And honestly, you’re doing yourself a lot of violence to keep everything running this way.
Fear is a bad counselor. It protects you from the unknown, from change and possible danger. And fear does that wonderfully well, it keeps you neatly in place, in that cart track that you bump through; trusted and safe.
Fortunately, there is also a brave self in you.
The first thing you can do to get to grips with a feeling of insecurity and fear is to take a deep breath. With a calm belly breathing you literally give your brain the signal ‘everything is calm, everything is okay, nothing to panic’. Because you find something to hold on to in this way, you immediately gain more confidence and you feel a lot braver!
A second handle comes from Tara Mohr, an American coach and writer whom I admire for her calm. In her book Playing Big she describes how fear and the feeling of insecurity keep us small. One way she offers to break through that oppression is to visualize your future self.
Maybe you see your future self as an energetic woman who speaks out openly, an enterprising woman who enjoys her work, a nice mother who takes care of her children in a relaxed manner, an authentic woman who stands for who she is or everything from before and so much more. Lake! In a way that suits you exactly.
The fear that now prevents you from realizing this for yourself is nothing compared to the fear of never having it. Fear may be a bad counselor, but in this way it is a great stick behind the door. If you long for peace, more space and just really want to be yourself. Then see your future self and wonder what she will do.