Some women spend hours in front of the mirror to look perfect…
Other women are constantly preoccupied with their weight…
Whatever it is, it’s pretty clear that every woman feels insecure from time to time.
But what about men?
Are men ever insecure at all and if so… what makes them insecure?
In this article you will get the answers of unexpected things that make men insecure.
- About the 11 Secret Things Men Are Actually Extremely Insecure About
- Why men are just as insecure as women (and why they never admit it)
- How to deal with men’s insecurities so you can get him into a happy relationship
- Why you should never swing on a high apartment building if you are afraid of heights
- And much more…
Men… do they know uncertainty at all? Unexpected Things That Make Men Insecure
For the sake of convenience, I’ll assume you’ve never been in a men’s locker room before.
(At least…probably not with other men around.)
I will briefly explain to you what it is like in such a man’s cage:
- Often the men are loud.
- They brag about everything.
- They all show cockerel behavior and want to be the best.
When you see all these men together in a locker room, you are quickly tempted to think this:
“Gosh, they all have big mouths. Are they never insecure about anything?”
I can give you a succinct answer to the question: “Are men ever insecure?”.
And that answer is as follows:
yes, we are very insecure.
about many things men are just as insecure as women (and maybe even more insecure !).
The whole thing is that we all know what women are insecure about:
- Their personality
- Their age
- Love and love relationships
- How you look in pictures
- And so on…
When you open any women’s magazine, there is bound to be an article about one of the above topics…
Appearance in particular is a big part of female insecurity.
It is like this:
women seem to have to meet impossible standards.
We see them all in magazines, movies and commercials: stunning women with an impossible appearance.
What also doesn’t help is that today’s society is fixated on appearance:
everyone wants to show their best side on social media.
In addition, the appearance of a woman plays a major role for many men when it comes to choosing a partner.
All these things make it quite clear that women are (can) be very insecure.
But when it comes to men?
Then their insecurities are not always that clear.
It seems as if some men, with their tough stories and big mouths, are never insecure.
It seems as if the man’s ego is so overgrown that it seems to be immune to insecurities.
But I can confidently tell you that the male ego is much more fragile than you think.
many women are under the assumption that the male ego looks something like this:
But, when you get to know the male brain well, you know that the male ego is more like this:
So as a man I can tell you this:
the male ego is small and fragile.
The whole point is that we men don’t like to talk about our insecurities.
Preferably all are James Bond . We can do anything, we are not afraid of anything and we can wrap any woman around our finger.
But the truth is that behind every (self-righteous) man is an insecure little boy .
And today we’re going to bring out the most important and secret insecurities of men together.
When you become aware of these insecurities, you will understand men better.
But not only that:
you will also be able to seduce and keep your dream man more easily.
After all, there is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who understands him and knows how to deal with his deepest insecurities in the right way .
When you understand that men are also quite insecure, you will see that there is a considerable pressure off your shoulders.
Because, believe it or not, in the end we men are just people 😉.
it’s time for action.
Let’s take a look at men’s biggest and most secretive insecurities.
Uncertainty 1: Masculinity
“Huh? Do men become insecure of their own masculinity? You have to explain that to me, Laurens.”
I can best explain this uncertainty with a personal (and rather embarrassing ) example…
I once went to the lookout in Amsterdam with my ex girlfriend .
In case you don’t know what I’m talking about:
the lookout is a high-rise building in Amsterdam North where you can swing.
And by swing I don’t mean this swing:
I mean this kind of swing:
Yep, you go with the swing over the edge of the building of no less than 100 meters high .
It’s all super fun… unless you’re afraid of heights .
And guess who is blessed with a fear of heights…
But as ‘tough’ as I am, I didn’t dare to tell my girlfriend at the time.
I sat next to my girlfriend like a terrified dog .
“But Laurens, it’s not bad at all to be afraid of heights, is it?”
But sitting next to your girlfriend nervously because you’re afraid of heights?
That’s not good.
we men want to be masculine .
we men MUST be masculine.
That is expected of society, contemporary culture and other men .
As a man, are you too ‘puny’ in the eyes of other men or do you behave too feminine?
Then it will be severely punished.
As a man there is therefore no room to be ‘weak’, ‘vulnerable’ or ‘feminine’.
Men must therefore have masculine traits such as:
- Do not be afraid
- Be strong
- Being handy/technical
- be good at driving
- be good at chores
- be good at math
- And so forth…
Do you have two left hands? Then you are not a real man.
Can’t park properly? Then you don’t drive the way a man should drive.
Afraid of sitting next to your girlfriend on a 100 meter high swing? Understandable perhaps, but not at all masculine.
That is why this event deeply touched my man’s ego and I am still ashamed of the whole scene to this day.
(And I’ll put the full story here on the internet. That’s how I am again. Oh! And I just went in again after that, it was less scary then. Just so you know. I’m tough.)
because there is such enormous pressure on men when it comes to ‘must be masculine’, masculinity itself is quite an insecurity for us.
We are afraid to show our weaknesses or ‘feminine’ traits and therefore hide them from you.
The urge/obligation to be masculine also makes it difficult for many men to show emotions …
This brings me right to uncertainty #2.
Uncertainty 2: Showing emotions
Do you like to watch soap operas?
Do you enjoy watching emotional movies?
Were you also so moved when Humberto Tan announced his departure from RTL late night?
Admittedly… these images touch me too.
(And let’s face it… was Late Night with Twan Huys much better? I didn’t think so).
Well I digress…
As a woman, nobody cares if you let your emotions go completely during a sad scene, movie or event.
This is because women are generally more empathetic and emotional than men, according to research.
But what if a man bursts into tears saying goodbye to Humberto Tan?
Then his friends will sooner put the crying to shame than they will comfort him.
Because crying and showing emotions is not masculine at all, many men find this very difficult.
And because men are less emotionally and empathetic anyway, many men have trouble expressing their emotions.
This sometimes leads to communication problems between men and women.
So understand that men often pretend to be much more ‘tough’ than they are.
Showing emotions, being moved and being sad are simply not things that men like to be associated with.
But men do have emotions.
And they cry too, as you can see in this video:
Uncertainty 3: Women
If you’re wondering what makes men insecure, then I recommend paying close attention to the men the next time you go out.
You often see them standing ‘tough’ at the bar with a drink.
Perhaps they are sharing all kinds of tall tales with their friends about the umpteenth girl they’ve shared the sheets with.
But what if a pretty girl actually walks in?
Then he freezes.
A beautiful woman makes a man quite insecure.
I was recently at a party with some friends.
One of those guys had invited a few girlfriends over and in no time at all a good number of nice women were present at the party.
All the men suddenly seemed to behave differently.
They spoke louder and suddenly made noisy, violent movements as they spoke.
Every man suddenly seemed to feel a lot more restless, purely because there were nice women at the party.
By the way… do you ever feel nervous before a date?
Then keep the following in mind the next time you have a date:
he also feels super nervous.
Men can really get extremely nervous, jittery and insecure around women.
And that’s not surprising: after all, we want to please the ladies…
Because if not, then you will be rejected as a man.
Which brings right to the next point that makes men insecure.
Uncertainty 4: Rejection
In case you didn’t already know: I also coach men in love and self-development.
Sometimes I go out with these men, to help them become more social and meet nice women.
All these men often have one thing in common:
they are all terrified of being rejected.
Truly true: every man is terrified to be rejected by a woman.
A man can therefore feel very insecure when he walks into a nightclub with all kinds of beautiful women.
Being rejected has many ‘damaging’ consequences for a man.
This is because the degree of social status among men is largely determined by the success they have with women.
Are you rejected by a woman?
Then you drip off and you suffer quite a bit of loss of face among your group of friends.
The fear of rejection in men also has an evolutionary origin.
When the ancient man was rejected by a woman, his social status dropped enormously.
As a result, he had much more trouble looking for another female, which ultimately led to a smaller chance to reproduce.
In other words: we men want to be good with women at all costs.
One rejection can split both our hearts and egos in two.
“But Laurens… sometimes I have to reject a man. I can’t like everyone, can I?”
That’s completely right.
That’s why it would be nice if there was a way to politely reject a man…
And there it is .
You can read all about it in this article:
Reject a man properly? 7 Painless Tips To Not Hurt Him .
Uncertainty 5: Their appearance
It is well known that most women are sometimes insecure about their appearance .
While you’re standing in front of the mirror, you wonder if that one dress isn’t making you too fat, if your hair/make-up fits well and if you’re not too tall or too short.
most women are (quite) insecure about something to do with their appearance.
If you look at magazines and mainstream media, you will see that there is a lot of attention for the appearance of the woman:
Beauty vlogs , huge make-up departments in cosmetic stores and fashion magazines full of the latest trends that you as a woman naturally want to comply with.
But for men?
There the focus on appearance is a lot less strong…
And that’s actually quite different.
Because if there is one thing that makes men insecure, it is their appearance.
Many men are insecure about their appearance, even if they don’t like to admit it.
Because the focus on “beauty” and “looks” for men is much less, many men find it difficult to admit that they are insecure about their appearance.
In addition, men also have to deal with high standards when they are constantly confronted with celebrities who look like this:
(You’re welcome )
Moreover, it is not at all ‘masculine’ to admit that you are preoccupied with external insecurities (see uncertainty #1 of this article!).
Some men may never admit it, but there are definitely guys who spend longer in front of the mirror than you to look good.
Here are a handful of male insecurities when it comes to looks:
- Their muscles
- Their style
- Their (lack of) beard growth
In short: some men are just as insecure about their appearance as women, although men are much less likely to admit it.
Men’s brain tip: give a man a compliment about his appearance.
Precisely because men are secretly insecure about this and because men generally receive much less compliments about appearance, a sincere compliment about his looks is guaranteed to be well received.
Now let’s take a look at one specific part of the male body that men are insecure about…
I think you already know what I mean.
Uncertainty 6: His genitals (little one)
Each of the two sexes has its own insecurities.
For example, some women can become quite insecure when it comes to their breast size.
Men have a similar problem…
with their third leg.
Some men are extremely insecure about their penis length.
For example, there was a boy at my school who never dared change in the locker room after gym class, because he was afraid that jokes would be made about the length of his cock.
Because the male genitalia is such a model of his own masculinity , some men can become quite insecure about this.
This is partly due to a distorted image of what men have about sex.
In porn movies, most men have an oversized member, which many ‘normal’ men cannot meet.
It is (incorrectly) assumed among men that women only need a man with a large penis, and that a woman can only be properly satisfied if you have ‘a big one’.
So, if you’re going to bed with a man and you really want to make him feel good… a compliment about his young man down there won’t hurt at all.
And while we’re on the subject of sex, we can make a nice bridge to the next thing that makes men insecure.
Uncertainty 7: Sex
Men love sex.
Yep… we all knew that of course.
But what many women don’t know is that men can also be quite insecure when it comes to sex.
And by ‘sex’ I mean in particular the following:
- His own sexual skills.
- His sexual past.
- Your sexual past.
Let’s briefly go through all these sexual insecurities one by one.
1: His own sexual skills
“I really took her well, man. She keeps calling me to come back.”
These kinds of statements are not uncommon in an average men’s dressing room.
(Whether or not they’re true… that’s another story, of course).
status is very important to men . One of the ways that status among men is measured is “how good they are in bed”.
That’s why all kinds of men have (rather strong) stories about how good they are between the sheets, with which they can maintain their own ego and brag to their group of friends.
This has the side effect that many men become extremely insecure about their own sexual skills .
After all, a man really wants to be able to satisfy a woman in bed.
When a woman feels that his sexual performance is below average, it is a big blow to his ego.
So the last thing you want to do is directly criticize him for his bed performance.
A compliment about his sexual prowess does wonders, however.
“But Laurens… what if a man is really bad in bed? Should I just pretend he’s really good?”
New. Absolutely not.
The situation gets even worse when he finds out that you are “faking”.
Anyway, I understand it’s frustrating when you’re dealing with a situation similar to this song by Lily Allen, where she sings about a man who can’t satisfy her well in bed:
You can certainly provide a man with the necessary feedback in such a case, if you do it in the right way.
2: His sexual past
This study , conducted in Great Britain, shows that men have often had more sex partners than women.
Whether this result is actually correct is doubtful.
As explained in another article , the male ego plays an important role in the results of this study.
Many men lie about the number of sex partners they have had. This also has to do with status among men.
Fewer sex partners means less success with women, which means you’re a ‘worse’ man.
In other words: sexual past is something that makes many men insecure .
Some men are afraid that they are still too inexperienced sexually, so that they have the fear of not being able to satisfy you well (enough).
3: Your sexual past
Not only can men become insecure about their sexual past, but also your own.
He is afraid that you have been with (several) men who were all much better than him.
His biggest fear is that he will not be able to meet these standards and thus disappoint you.
This has everything to do with a greater, overarching insecurity of men.
You can read exactly what that uncertainty is below:
Uncertainty 8: Other Men
If there’s one thing that makes men insecure, it’s this:
Men have a constant, hierarchical battle with each other.
As a man you want to be the best and rise above other men.
Does this not work? Then we become insecure.
This is exactly why a man can get so jealous when you talk about another man.
As soon as you talk about your “ex” or “that one male colleague”, he thinks:
“Oh dear, she’s talking about another man. He will probably be more important than me.”
Many insecure men see other men all around them who seem to do everything better.
As a result, the internal uncertainty is only getting worse.
So if you really want to make a man crazy about you, it is important that you give him the feeling that he is better than other men.
Below is a scene from Casino Royale in which Vesper makes one comment to James Bond that he is above all other men:
So let him know that he is better, more masculine, more intelligent and more handsome than the competition….
You will win his heart with it.
Uncertainty 9: Money, possessions and career
This is Mark:
Mark is very happy with his car.
He recently bought a beautiful Renault Clio:
But one day, when Mark drives up the driveway of his house, he sees this car at the neighbor’s:
Mark becomes very jealous of his neighbor and suddenly feels very insecure.
“But Laurens, isn’t that a bit childish? After all, it’s just a car.”
It seems to be about the car, but actually it is about something bigger.
It’s about the status difference between Mark and his neighbor
Aside from ‘bed performance’ and ‘success with women’, there are a number of other very important things that men measure their status against:
- How much money they have.
- What possessions they have.
- What kind of job they have.
As soon as we as a man meet another man who has more money, has a more expensive car and has a better job… then the alarm bells go off.
As a man you then have to deal with another man who is higher in the male hierarchy.
In other words: that specific man is a danger and he makes you insecure.
The status struggle for possessions, money and career is somewhat less prevalent among women…
But for men, these things can be quite a source of deep-seated insecurity .
Uncertainty 10: The relationship.
If there’s one thing every man wants in a healthy relationship, it’s this:
he wants his girlfriend to be happy with him.
As soon as a man sees that his girlfriend is completely happy with him, then he has the feeling that he has succeeded in the love/relationship.
(And, in case you didn’t know, men love to be good at something).
Making his wife or girlfriend happy is the ultimate proof that he is doing his job well as a man.
Nevertheless, all this brings a lot of uncertainty for many men.
A large proportion of men are constantly afraid of being in a relationship.
They have a great fear of failure .
Fears men have in relationships include:
- Fear of running off with another man.
- Fear that you no longer find him attractive.
- Fear that he is not communicating well.
- Fear that he is bad in bed (see uncertainty #7).
- Fear that he can’t offer you enough.
- And so on…
In other words: a man in a relationship wants to feel that he is doing everything right. He wants to make sure you are happy.
So let him know regularly how happy you are with him when you are in a relationship.
Make it clear to him that he makes you happy, that he is a perfect boyfriend and that you wouldn’t trade him for another man for anything.
“But what if I do feel unhappy in the relationship? Can I say that?”
In such a case, there is work to be done.
Uncertainty 11: Fear of commitment/ separation anxiety.
Note: True commitment anxiety and separation anxiety are complex psychological issues.
Do you want to know everything about what ‘real’ separation anxiety and fear of commitment means? Then read my article:
Separation anxiety and fear of commitment: extensive explanation + 16 symptoms.
For now, let’s focus on the simpler definitions of the two fears, both of which can be an insecurity of men.
Binding tendencies occur in men who are not yet ready for a relationship.
The reasons for this can vary greatly: poorer previous relationships, inability to commit, or wanting to remain single.
Men with a fear of commitment often become insecure about dating itself.
In this article from the huffpost you will find 15 quotes from men who say what makes them insecure.
One of those quotes reads:
“I’m afraid that a great date might lead to a commitment I’m not ready for”
Many men are so fond of their freedom that they are very insecure if they threaten to lose that freedom.
As a result, they distance themselves from a woman as soon as they notice that their freedom is restricted to some extent (by a relationship, for example).
At the other end of the spectrum, you have men who are very insecure about being left within the relationship.
This has everything to do with insecurities within the relationship (see insecurity #10) and the fear that you might run off with another man (insecurity #8).
Whether you’re dealing with a man with fear of commitment or a man who has fear of being abandoned... you would prefer to remove all fears within a healthy relationship.
You can achieve this if you become aware of the 3 special links in the male brain.
Once you know how these links work, you’ll learn to understand men much better.
Moreover, you have the knowledge to make your dream man fall for you and to get and keep him in a very happy relationship.
- 4 reasons why men ghost and disappear + 5 tips
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- The only 7 real reasons why men become distant
- The 7 Only Reasons Why Men Cheat
- The 15 Crystal Clear Reasons Why Men Lie