You were too smart or difficult. While this was by no means your intention and you mainly wanted to express how you experienced reality. You have probably adapted and conformed to the image that was expected of you. You have failed yourself with that. You kept yourself small and chances are you still do.
Your unease grows
Where the feeling of unease in childhood was subtly present, this gnaws more and more in later life. As a child you were able to hide your anger and perhaps contempt for your parents, but later in life it becomes less and less successful. At the same time, you think you shouldn’t be ungrateful. Your parents did their best and you ‘know’ that they loved you. Who are you to judge that?
For Christine it only really became clear in one session how her mother had failed. She was shocked and expressed that she was ashamed to say this out loud. She didn’t want to feel more than her mother and felt she shouldn’t put herself above her. But she also felt that the truth should now be there. In fact, it could no longer be denied.
It helps to broaden your earthly perspective and to look at the relationship with your parents from a cosmic/energetic perspective. Perhaps you have much more life experience because you have already made countless lives on Earth through it. Or have you gained experiences on other planets. This means that the difference in consciousness can be large from the start.
In addition, your parents were born in a time when there were few opportunities to free themselves from their pain and to develop. It is certainly possible that they too have a greater consciousness, but are trapped in their pain. By seeing your difference in consciousness as an observation and not as a judgment, you give yourself the opportunity to heal and grow.
In the evolution of man it is the case that all previous generations are less conscious than the later ones. Today’s children have a greater consciousness than we do now. It is not a question of ‘better or worse’, it is different.
It is important for your process to allow the pain you experienced as a child. Because your parents weren’t aware of your needs, because of hidden pain or deeper issues, they couldn’t offer you what you needed. Recognize the fact that this has affected you. Dare to admit the pain and feel the wounds of your inner child.
An important step to liberation is allowing yourself to be angry at what has happened. Not from self-pity but from strength. This anger brings you in touch with yourself and helps you to feel your limits. Anger is not a ‘must’, every person is different! But when you feel anger, allow it.
I notice that anger is a difficult emotion for many highly sensitive people. If I speak for myself: I understood, felt why the other did what he or she did. I felt the isolation, the inability and the pain. In this way I subconsciously excused the behavior of the other, at the expense of myself. In doing so, I failed the little girl in me. I pushed aside what she had experienced in her early years.
Right now the wounded parts of our inner child are allowed to be heard and seen. What have you experienced? What did you miss? What was it like not being taken seriously? If you were emotionally abandoned as a child, it is important that you start to see yourself now. Listen to the child in you, allow the pain and sorrow .
Forgiveness precedes healing
Be careful not to force yourself to forgive your father or mother. Forgiveness follows a healing process, it is not an end in itself. ‘Finding’ that we should forgive is from the head. You can only truly forgive from the heart. When your wound is still open, forgiveness is like a band-aid that you put over it. But it doesn’t make the wound heal.
You heal by letting in and letting go of your old pain. By keeping an eye on the child that is still hidden in you, perhaps in a corner.
It also helps to make energetic contact with your parent. You then conduct a conversation at soul level and express from your heart how you experienced the contact. Moreover, this offers you the opportunity to gain a deeper insight into the motives of the other: what was his or her pain that prevented a loving contact?
When we energetically feel the pain or sadness of the other, it offers relief and room for forgiveness. You subtly experience the pain and inability of the other. The ‘knowing’ from your head, why the other has done what he has done, becomes knowing with the heart.
This makes it easier to accept that you live from a more conscious ‘Being’ than your parent(s). At the soul level there is no judgment.
Online group sessions
Do you notice that you carry a sadness that hinders you from growing further? And do you find it exciting to allow this and to let it go?