What are we doing on Earth? Life Lesson 7: Boundary Demarcation

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What are we doing on Earth? Life Lesson 7: Boundary Demarcation
A life lesson that I come across a lot in my practice is the life lesson of Boundary Demarcation. This life lesson is about setting boundaries. When our boundaries are not clear or in some cases even completely absent, life becomes a dangerous and unsafe business.

Irritation as a tool

Do you recognize the irritation you feel when someone gets too close to you in an elevator? The feeling of irritation is an important tool here: it indicates that someone is literally crossing the boundaries of your personal space. So take this feeling seriously and see what you can do to literally take up more space.

Also on a psychological level, irritation is a clear alarm signal that borders are in danger. When the phone rings, a child is whining from your leg and you are cooking a complicated dish, irritation will help you realize that there is too much going on and you will have to set limits.

Especially a lot of women

What are we doing on Earth? Life Lesson 7: Boundary Demarcation

The life lesson of Boundary demarcation is learned more often in a female body than in a male body. It is no coincidence that women are often said to be so good at multitasking .

When the internal stress that multitasking causes is not recognized, a multitasker often works with this life lesson. By putting themselves under structural pressure in this way, this cross-border behavior can eventually lead to complaints.

Dominant Parents

People who work with this life lesson have often had to deal with a negative catalyst in their youth. For example, consider a dominant father or mother who did not respect the child’s own will. When a child can never say ‘no, I don’t want that’, eventually the child’s own will is broken. If it has to structurally adapt to the wishes and demands of a parent, the natural sense of setting boundaries is disrupted. At a later age, as an adult, it will also effortlessly adapt to the wishes of another. This is at the expense of self-interest.

Damaged sensory system

When someone has had parents who literally showed transgressive behavior (for example because they hit regularly), the physical sensory system can be damaged. As adults, they sense too late on a physical level that they don’t like a certain touch from someone. Standing up for oneself assertively is not learned, and if you do stand up for yourself, it is often too late.

What are we doing on Earth? Life Lesson 7: Boundary Demarcation

These later adults do not have a naturally developed system that sounds the alarm when someone goes beyond their limits. They can become the doormat that everyone walks across. Completely effacing oneself for a boss, spouse or children are clear signs that the life lesson Boundary Demarcation is being used. Burning out or becoming depressed are the effects of this unexplained life lesson.

Codependent Relationships

Often the people who work with this life lesson are very sensitive and have great empathy for the emotions of others. Usually, it is not realized that it is not one’s own energy that is felt, but the energy of another. In that case, in order to feel good about oneself, it is extremely important that the other person feels good. We encounter this codependency a lot in love relationships, in which someone completely focuses on the other. As long as he’s happy, the underlying (often unconscious) thought is: after all, if he’s happy, she can eventually be too. Sometimes this is taken so far that someone loses himself completely.

Manipulative Partners

The partners who attract these sensitive souls often have manipulative traits. They display boundary-crossing and dominant behavior, simply because it is felt on a (usually) subconscious level that the partner will not set boundaries. The price paid in this type of relationship can be very high. ‘I have completely lost myself in that relationship’ or ‘I have been completely emptied’ are frequently heard complaints with which the life lesson Boundary Demarcation can be recognized.

Holy no

What are we doing on Earth? Life Lesson 7: Boundary Demarcation

For people who are working on this life lesson, it feels very uncomfortable to say ‘no’. They feel guilty, failing, or downright bad when they draw a line and say they don’t want something. However, these feelings are only indicators that you are on the right track. A ‘no’ is sacred to people who work with the Life Lesson Boundary Demarcation and any uncomfortable feelings about this just need to be transformed.

Me first

But we are not there yet with saying no. Mastery in this life lesson is only achieved when learning to say ‘I first’. Putting yourself first often feels like a selfish and impossible task. However, when we work with Boundary Demarcation, ‘Me first’ is a very healing attitude. When the air pressure in the plane drops, we are told to put the oxygen masks on our own mouths first, before we have to attach them to the children. That’s exactly how ‘Me first’ works too. If we don’t fill our own lungs with oxygen first, we literally drop dead in this case. By the principle of ‘I first’ one can only give more. So there is nothing selfish about that.

Better inner alignment

In order to master this life lesson, it is important that someone becomes much more attuned to themselves and much less to the other. A stronger inner contact is required, which makes it possible to feel much more clearly whether something feels right or not. From there it becomes easier to set a boundary. Each indicated boundary will eventually feel like a victory, increasing personal strength and self-confidence.

 

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