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What burden do you (unconsciously) pass on to your child?

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What if you are weighed down by a heavy backpack?

There are many expressions about the burden you can carry with you. Such as: you are taking too much on your fork; burdened by the burden; you carry too much luggage; the burden weighs heavily on your shoulders, or, for example: taking on something.

Most of these expressions are about the burden you put on yourself. You take too much responsibility, want too much or perhaps the impossible and are bothered by it. It literally and figuratively aggravates your life and ensures less happiness in life.

Reason to make your luggage as light as possible. But what if you unconsciously receive an extra charge? Not because you do it yourself, but because your parents leave it to you? What can you do with this as a child and, above all, what responsibility do you have as a parent?

What really happens when you ask your child to do something for the sake of peace.

Maybe you used to have to do or not do something for family relationships that you felt were not okay. Something which actually meant that you had to put yourself aside for the good dear peace. You were asked because you were the only one who was reasonable and able to adapt. Even though you and your parent knew the other was wrong. But he couldn’t adapt or was not aware enough to do so, it was said. So you did it. Yet this didn’t feel right.

And if it still went wrong in the end, you also felt guilty. Not only to yourself, because you had denied yourself, but also to your parent, because you had apparently failed to achieve the desired harmony. You had failed to satisfy your parent. And that is exactly what a child wants so much.

A sensitive child easily takes over your burden.

This is just one example of the many times in which you as a parent can create the effect you want on your child. Often with the child who is most approachable, sensitive and understanding. Because they usually want nothing more than nice, harmonious family ties and cozy, warm situations. He is social, empathetic and capable of self-reflection. As a result, he can get out of a situation and the others can’t or more difficult.

And that child is also willing to commit to it. And that is precisely a major pitfall for sensitive children and adults. They can easily lose themselves in the challenges on their path, in the wishes of others and in their good intentions in the search for love and connection.

Patterns arise when your child is not allowed to be himself.

If you as a parent can’t control a situation, want to avoid conflict, don’t know what to do with it, or simply fail to take the right steps, then it may be your last resort to appeal to your child for her cooperation. but this is not his responsibility.

Not only do you send a signal that your child should ignore the other person, but you also leave the fulfillment of your wish with your child. And thus also its non-fulfilment. And by placing the burden on your child in this way from an early age, your child develops patterns that often only become clear at a later age.

Because he always takes the happiness of others on his shoulders, is willing to adapt to achieve that sweet peace, and also feels guilty when others are unhappy or walk all over him and/or if the result is not forthcoming.

This will logically continue for the rest of his life in all the relationships he enters into. It is therefore not surprising that many end up in destructive and / or narcissistic relationships, where your child as a (young) adult will do everything to please the other person and especially if he blames himself for every misstep of that other person.

Any peace you force brings a false sense of security.

It is important here that achieving peace and harmony in this way is impossible. Because you behave consciously in the desired way, but in your subconscious it starts to twist and the call to express yourself and to give expression to what lives inside continues to exist.

So there is no such thing as doing or not doing something for good peace of mind. Unless you want to create a false sense of security, where you can wait until the bomb bursts. Because that energy in your subconscious will demand attention anyway and affect your life and relationships in one way or another.

That bomb will definitely explode. Because in the family system everyone has to be in their own place. And if you start forcing those relationships and stuff stories full of emotions, feelings and thoughts into the subconscious, then the foundation is shaky and only one block needs to fall to take the rest with it in its trap.

Why twisted (family) systems are always fought over.

You often see this when someone dies within this family system. The proportions then become sharp again, because energetically that person is still in the place where he stood, but if that position was shaky, forced, or taken over, it will have an effect on the rest of the system if he physically disappears.

And so the unconscious family relationships will become visible again, as an invitation to now stand in your place from the right energy and enter into healthy relationships.

This is usually accompanied by a lot of arguing and chaos, but it does have a necessary purpose. Namely that everyone gets the chance to bring unconscious stories to consciousness, so that they can be healed and you can come closer to yourself and to your place in the family system, and therefore also in the world.

If you don’t do this and go for good peace again, then there will probably be another moment. And is it not your brother or sister, or your partner or employer with whom you will end up in a similar situation.

We need conflict to achieve good relationships.

Where the intention may be good, fine harmonious (family) relationships, we forget one thing. Conflicts are necessary to get to know yourself and the other. They are necessary in seeking, indicating and experiencing boundaries. Running away from a conflict teaches you to ignore your own feelings and needs.

Entering into the conflict consciously helps you to stay connected, with yourself and with the other. It helps to prevent you from losing or denying yourself, and from having stories lingering in your subconscious that weigh you down for years to come.

Children do this naturally. They play with each other and then suddenly they get into an argument, only to continue playing together within a minute from an often better balance. Correctly guided and ‘fought out’ you need conflicts to set boundaries, to take your place and to stand up for yourself, for what you feel, think and want.

And only after a well-spoken conflict, after a clash of interests, can you reach a compromise based on respect and equality and actually achieve connection and harmony. On a much deeper level than good dear peace.

Follow your subconscious to harmony and love.

So if you ever have a pain in your neck or back, walk around with hunched shoulders, or maybe see this in your child, see if this burden you’re burdened with can provide an entrance to your subconscious.

So that you can heal the stories that are there, so that you can take your place from love and inner strength. This not only makes your backpack lighter, but your stories can also carry you instead of the other way around.

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