What do men want? The 14 things he looks for in you (Yup, you there)

How do you understand a man

What on earth does he want? I don’t understand what he’s looking for…

It is a recurring phenomenon in my inbox: emails full of irritation, frustration and incomprehension about what exactly it is that men want.

Some women think they know, often they are wrong.

It sometimes seems as if men are incomprehensible.

Sometimes they say one thing but want another.

It’s annoying to be in the dark.

But today is your lucky day.

This article will shed some illuminating light into that dark cavern we refer to as the man’s brain.

I’m going to tell you exactly what men want.

In this article you will learn:

  • Why the masses are wrong and how you can use this to your advantage.
  • What men really want from a woman; you become as addictive as Netflix
  • A simple trick to radiate more passion
  • What you can do to recharge a man’s battery
  • Plus a whole lot more…

Escape the thought of the crowd

In the many conversations I have with women about their love lives, many questions arise.

But there is 1 specific question that every woman has:

What do men want from me?

I’m not talking about the standard stuff like beauty, short skirts and long hair.

I’m talking about a certain type of man that every man is looking for…

A type of person that can be found less and less in our society.

I say man here on purpose and not woman, because this applies to both men and women.

A phenomenon that I call the unicorn of our society.

Unlike a unicorn that only exists in mythical stories, the unicorn I’m talking about actually roams our planet.

I am talking about…

A woman whose personality is as attractive as her appearance.

Let that be exactly what you want to be…

Men are looking for women with whom they can share their passions. To whom they can tell their deepest secrets. With whom they don’t have to pretend to be tough and hard. And with whom they show a different side of their personality than their friends get to see.

A woman he longs for.

Not just because in his eyes she is a joy to watch…

…but because it is a pleasure to be with her.

As Roald Dahl said,  ugly thoughts make a person ugly.

The truth is this: a man wants a woman who looks well-groomed. She doesn’t have to be Doutzen Kroes to be attractive to him.

Focus on building an attractive character.

This is rarer than physical beauty.

That’s why I give you here the 14 things that men want from a woman.

Use it to your advantage!

ATTENTION: Of course it is true that a man should also do his best for you. It’s not that you have to deal with all kinds of things and he is the big prize you can win. No, it’s always about equality in any relationship.



1. Be his Netflix

It is impossible to imagine life without it…

An evening of Netflix & Chill has become such a household name that it even has its own Wikipedia page.

By the way, here you see that your behavior on Netflix  says more than you might think…

Well, we digress.

Because there is something that goes with all the hype…

Everyone in our society has handed over the responsibility for experiencing positive emotions .

Do we feel badNetflix makes us forget about the problems.

Or we watch a funny viral video on Youtube.

Do we need social attention? This photo is sure to get a lot of likes on Facebook.       

Even for more primitive needs like sex, we can indulge ourselves by meeting up with people through dating apps like Tinder…

How often do you come across someone who is more than just a pretty picture?

Someone who causes something .

Someone who knows how to touch us emotionally.

That’s what everyone is looking for… We want that person in our lives.

But turn it around.

Stop looking for people who possess these qualities…

Be yourself a person who possesses these qualities.

Only then will you be able to attract AND keep in your life the people you so desire.

This requires commitment. Sometimes it requires personal growth. It’s about taking action.

Taking steps, then acting in accordance with your values.

Do you get energy and zest for life when you think about what is possible?


Then I am writing this article for you.

I’ll tell you exactly what qualities men are looking for.

It’s up to you to develop it…

2. The Secret of “She’s Just Cool”

You should dress up as a man to investigate how men talk about their girlfriends. Get that moustache dummy, put on a beard and talk in a low voice.

Once in your men’s outfit?

Get involved in the conversations men have about their girlfriends.

A world opens up for you…

How do men describe a woman they love?

Most guys will say she ‘s just cool .

As soon as this word has been spoken, the other men nod in understanding.

You will stand there as a woman and think to yourself:

WTF do they mean by this again?

I understand this needs some explanation; we men sometimes have our own code language 😉

What we all understand as soon as someone just calls their girlfriend cool is this:

  • She is laid back : no stress when something bad happens. Men hate it when they get the full blast every time their girlfriend experiences stress.
  • She can get along with his friends : she has no problem chatting with his friends. Should she love his friends? No, as long as she accepts his friends.
  • She is not judgmental : men often like weak jokes and stupid humor. She doesn’t necessarily like this, but she does appreciate it.

What kind of experience does she give him by embodying the above?

He will carry her on his hands.


He feels like he can be completely himself around her.

We all want a partner who is relaxed. Not complaining about the smallest things. Who doesn’t try to change us. A partner who is just cool

3. We want a woman who understands sexual vs sexy

Men are visual creatures, so we can sometimes come across as perverts.

Once a female beauty is around, we can’t take our eyes off her.

Don’t judge us poor male creatures! But use our imagination. You can easily respond to this.

Because men want a partner who is attractive and to whom we are attracted.

A partner that turns us on.

But there is something even more important than that…

Men want a woman to radiate that she feels sexy.

She is also sexually attracted to her husband. A woman who is capable of completely seducing us.

Because when the sex goes out of the relationship, the relationship dies.

It’s not about being sexual, it’s about feeling sexy .

You can show your sexy side in different ways. You can move in a sexy way.

You can show him that you want him. This is a perfect sign that you have a sexual side.

It could even be because of the way you look at him. A look that says:

“Wow, if you and I were in a different situation, it would have meant fireworks.”

He will pick this up. Without you having to say it.


Men want a woman who respects their opinion.

Do you think the same about something? awesome.

If you have a different opinion, don’t worry about it.

You don’t have to like EVERYTHING about him and he doesn’t have to like EVERYTHING about you.

It’s about how you deal with those differences. It is irritating when a person criticizes everything that is different than that person is used to.

Unfortunately, there are women who find anything that deviates from the boring standard weird/unusual/weird and stupid.

Men don’t want a woman who immediately yells: “Oh how strange, why would you do that?”

A man will be annoyed by this. It’s a huge turn off.

What does a man want?

A woman who accepts his idiosyncrasies.

It’s all about understanding .

Understanding each other’s differences. Accept that he has his own passions and talents.

He is looking for a woman who will support him in the things he does. You don’t want to be a perfect copy of each other. The differences between you bring life to the brewery.

5. A woman who knows what she wants

Men want to know what you like. Do we like you? Then we want to do things for you.

We pick up your favorite flowers, take you to that restaurant you always talk about passionately or surprise you with a trip to the zoo, because we know that you love animals and surprises.

In order to do this, we need to know what you love.

How do we do this? We just ask.

So what do you wanna do honey?

Hmm I don’t know. Let’s do what you want.

That’s how you get situations like this…

We want to know what you like. We want to know how we can make you happy. We want to know what you think is cool to do.

6. Be emotionally mature

What do men wantEveryone has a bad day sometimes. A day when everything goes wrong.

You are not yourself for a while and react differently than usual. You bark at him and there’s nothing he can do right.

Is it just a little shower once in a while?

Any man will soon forgive you for this.

But what he doesn’t forgive is a woman who ranks high on the drama scale .

Men want a woman who ranks low on the drama scale. Why do I say low? Because we all experience drama at some point in our lives.

It becomes a problem if it takes over in the relationship. When every little thing triggers an explosion of drama. Such behavior is a sign of emotional immaturity .

We want a woman who brings peace and tranquility to our lives. It is indigestible for a man when a woman is a major source of stress and conflict.

People already have enough on their mind… they don’t need any extra drama.

Make a mosquito out of an elephant . Not the other way around.

Men are looking for a woman who can ease their worries. Which makes us feel comfort and love.

7. Give him his man time

Give him the freedom that every man secretly craves. This doesn’t mean you let him do whatever the f*ck he wants to do. It’s about giving him his man time .

Supports him in the fact that he wants to be with his friends. That he goes away for a weekend here and there. Can chase his dreams. Can be busy with his hobbies.

Every man dreams of a woman who is confident enough to let him do these things.

And there is another huge advantage to this approach…

If you do this, he can also be a better partner for you.

These are the things a man needs to recharge his battery so that he can give his full love to you.

One condition is that you don’t make him feel guilty for doing these things.

Letting him go, while he notices you’re annoyed, won’t bring him any pleasure. He will feel guilty.

Give him his man time, and take your well -deserved woman time yourself . Go out the door yourself. Go do the things you want to do. Grab that yoga class you’ve always wanted to do. Meet up with your friends. Or pick up running again.

When we are charging our battery, we want to know that you are doing your own things. You are enjoying life.

That is irresistible to any man.

8. We long for loyalty

You may now be thinking: Oh , this is a breeze! I am always loyal. I never cheat.

Of course that is a form of loyalty, but there is more.

We want a woman who stands in our corner at times when we are being hit hard.

This applies to both men and women. You want to make sure that your man doesn’t run away when times are tough. He wants this too.

He wants assurance that you will fight with him.

A woman who can handle the storm is a woman we value.

But a woman who stands next to us during that storm is the woman we will never leave.

We want a woman who stands by us as we face the challenges of life. A woman with whom we feel a strong connection, especially at the moments when life tests us.

Be the woman who helps every man overcome the challenges in life.

9. More passion in your daily life with this simple trick

What is your greatest passion? What makes your heart beat faster?

The answers that come to mind right now will give color to your life.

Passion provides energy, focus and happiness. A life without passion is like food without taste

A man wants to experience your passion.

Share your passions with him. Tell him about the things you like to do. He will love this. But there is another way to show him your passion.

Imagine this: the weather is nice outside and your friend asks:

“Hey honey, do you want to go to the beach?”

To which you answer with…

“Hmm yes, why not.”

There’s no life in this. Not a grain of emotion.

Men want to see

  • Whether you like it.
  • What you like to do.
  • What you are passionate about.

There is a simple trick to radiate more passion WITHOUT constantly talking about your passions!

If we say:

“Hey honey, do you want to go to the park?

Then we want a reaction that radiates life.

If you like it, let him know.

“Yeah awesome, let’s go there!”

Don’t feel like it? Let him know honestly. Tell him what you like.

“Hmm no, I’m really looking forward to going to an exhibition.”

Show that enthusiasm ! Passion, energy and lively reactions create attraction.

Men love the free, spontaneous reactions that women give. Stay away from the dull gray “Hmm yeah okay whatever” area.

Let your Yes be a Yes and your No be a No.

This is what passion radiates, without talking about your passions.

10. We love playfulness

I have organized many Judo camps for the kids from my old judo gym. There is something magical about the energy that the kids bring to such a camp. Every time I walked around there I realized the following:

Everyone is born with an unlimited playfulness.

Children possess that beautiful playfulness with which they go through life. It’s easy to lose sight of this as you get older…

The stress, the problems and pressures we experience as we grow up push this playfulness into the background.

Is it true that growing up is tantamount to losing this playfulness, just as a chick loses its yellow down fur while growing up?

Nope. That is not the case.

It’s not that we’re losing this playfulness, it’s that it’s buried under a layer of adult human problems.

That is why it is so attractive when someone is spontaneous, loose in handling and able to bring out this playfulness. Someone who isn’t afraid to make a fool of yourself. Someone who brings humor into our life.

Someone who lightens the pressure of everyday life.

It’s in the little things.

Suppose you go to the supermarket together. In serious mode you can pick up your products, pay and leave quickly.

Or: For example, if you walk past a shelf with funny hats, put one on his head and tease him with it.

When your favorite song is on the radio, show him your lovely dance moves.

Find ways to lighten day-to-day activities with your playfulness. This makes you unique from all other women.

11. Be positive

We live in a world of polarity. For every advantage there is a disadvantage. For every up there is a down. There is left, and there is right.

Every time something happens we have a choice. We have the choice of which side we focus on.

We can focus on what we have and focus on positivity. Or we can focus on what we’re missing, by focusing on the negative side.

The focus on the negative side is one of the most unattractive character traits a person can possess.

Cynicism, complaining, being skeptical about everything that happens. Blegh .

They are all negative qualities. We can put up with this for a while, but at some point it starts to get to us. We become irritated by the negativity that someone pours out on us.

You want to stay far away from this.

Focusing on the positive side will attract men like a magnet.

Dive deep into your positive energy and outlook on life.

Whenever we are positive, we appreciate all things in our life.

When we value an event, the value of that event increases.

This affects the way other people view that event. This will also increase their appreciation.

How do you put this into practice?

There are a few aspects to keep in mind.

It’s easy to be positive when things go easy. But the real value is released when someone is positive, when things don’t go so easily.

I will give you an example from the life of dating coach Mathijs

When I was still a student, I organized a hitchhiking competition for my study association. Together with a friend, we were the only ones who didn’t make it to the final destination. We got stranded at the Czech border. We had to spend the night in the town of Dresden on the German border.

Once you find yourself in such a situation, two types of reactions are possible.

  • You can start complaining about the situation. About the fact that it sucks that the rest are already partying in the Czech Republic, and you are the only ones who haven’t arrived.
  • You make the best of the situation. You can’t change the situation except your own reaction to that event. We decided to take the opportunity and discover Dresden.

We took that time to get to know each other even better, which turned out to be a wonderful experience for both of us.

How easy would it have been to be a victim?

Use such a situation as an opportunity to deepen your connection. To strengthen the bond.

12. We want a caring wife

The woman who makes him feel loved and cared for is the woman who never lets a man go.

There is a deeper layer beneath this than you might initially think.

Men seek a woman who possesses this quality because they subconsciously want a woman with whom they can start a family.

We want a woman who feels us.

Suppose you come home as a man after a long stressful day at work that has consumed almost all your energy. As soon as you set foot in the door you get the following comment thrown at your head…

“Well, you look very cheerful.”

That’s the last thing we’re waiting for.

A woman who is caring in that moment is the gift that every man dreams of.

Rather say…

“Hey honey, was it a long day at work? Come here, darling!”

Followed by a big warm hug.

A woman with loving energy when we need it. No man can ever get enough of that.

13. We want to feel like men

Men are about corpses for a woman who makes them feel like a real man. We want to feel strong, important and powerful. You play a big part in that.

A confident man feels best with a woman who complements his masculinity with her feminine energy.

This is especially important if you’re attracted to a dominant confident man who likes to take charge of his life. You want him to be this version of himself.

You do this by letting yourself be guided by him every now and then. Even if you can do it yourself!

Let him hold the door for you. Ask if he can open the applesauce jar. Ask him for advice, while secretly you already know what to do for a long time.

Give him the chance to be a man.

This makes him feel completely in his element. His attraction to you gets a boost that pales in comparison to a shot of adrenaline.

14. We want an independent woman

Well, it is true that men like to take care of their partner. Wanting to help her and feel like they are needed. We would like a woman to ask us for help.

If a woman is completely independent, we are afraid that she does not need us.

This does not mean that you are dependent on him.

The truth is that every man seeks independence in a woman.

We want you to do your own things. This makes you a strong person. A partner who can support us when we are down in the dumps ourselves.

We want you to do your own things. This ensures that you always have something to say during dinner. What you did that day, crazy things you experienced and what you will do tomorrow.

Men want to share life with a woman who also has a great life herself.

A man wants a woman who leads a life that is robust.

This means the following.

If he doubts himself. If he’s worried about something. If he feels fear of something. Then you are there to catch him.

If you can be strong at that moment, it will help him find his strength again.

“I believe in you honey, you can do this.”

You can be a strong partner if you are independent. If your self-esteem and mood depend on how well he’s doing, he lacks that support when he’s feeling bad.

Do you have to express every quality at all times?

Now it may seem like you need to be playful, caring, and independent anytime, anywhere.

This is impossible. And backfires.

The key to success is bringing out every quality at the right time. You want to show all the qualities to him from time to time.

This shows how versatile you are.

He will see a woman who has evolved into the unicorn he is looking for.

A woman he will never want to let go.

Also Read:


Please enter your comment!
Please enter your name here