“That often comes at the end of the day, in the evening when I’m alone in bed. Only then do I realize that I’m constantly doing or saying things that don’t feel my own at all… I mean, I can’t complain of course. I have lovely friends and I also quite like my job. Still, it feels like this life doesn’t really suit me. Like being sucked into the flow of everything, instead of doing the things that really matter to me.”
Only now does she look at me. “Do you understand what I mean?”
I certainly get that. I know the feelings that Roos describes all too well from my own life and it is a story that I hear in countless variations as an intuitive coach.
Losing contact with yourself
Disconnection with yourself. No more living according to your own intuitive navigation system. Don’t we notice this in all kinds of ways in our lives? Maybe you’ve been wanting to write a book for a long time, finally take guitar lessons, or incorporate more meditation moments into your week, and the turmoil in your head is keeping you from doing what you desire.
Or you are calm and grounded in the morning and find yourself so unnerved by negative thoughts and opinions of others during the day that you sink on the couch at night exhausted. The plot of this story ultimately rests on the same dilemma: the desire for an authentic life and a connection with an I that is more realfeel your everyday self, and at the same time the confusion about how you come into contact with that part of yourself and the inescapable self-rejection that comes with it.
The people who come to me often tell me that they are quite satisfied with their lives, happy even. Yet they say that they are missing something . Somewhere beneath the surface lives an indefinable dissatisfaction that afflicts them. They are missing something, but have no idea what that something could be. An emptiness that causes internal unrest, that encourages doing even more, working even harder, planning and agreeing even more.
Navigate to yourself
What I’ve learned from this is that apparently somewhere along the way we begin to follow the guidelines of the world outside of ourselves, rather than our own intuitive knowing. Our tendency is to internalize the beliefs and assumptions of others about who we are and how we should live and make them part of our value system. Now if you think ‘see, I’m not doing it all right’, you can put that self-flagellation whip away again. This is how consciousness development proceeds.
By ‘losing’ yourself, no longer knowing who you are or what you want, something else in you gets the space to rise. A part of yourself that has not been heard or recognized for a long time. A calm, intuitive knowing that stands out more and more and says: not this way. Not this life, not this relationship, not this work.
This voice within you doesn’t offer you on a silver platter what you should do, but it does whisper its message until you change your course. As writer Michael A. Singer said, “Every man is a blind man who makes his way through life with his cane, by feeling where he cannot walk, he knows what his path is.”
Experiencing emptiness , rudderlessness and unrest is not a sign that you are doing badly. Or that you don’t try hard enough, make wrong decisions or fall behind the rest. It simply means recognizing what no longer resonates with yourself at the deepest level.
While it may feel like you’re further from home than ever, in reality you start listening to your own authentic navigation system that can always guide you back home. Just as driver assistance systems help cars on the highway to stay on track, your intuitive navigation system lets you know when you’re drifting off track.
What if you saw the emptiness and turmoil as direction indicators, with the primary purpose of pointing out your internal division between who you think you should be and who you really are? And what if the next time you want to pull that whip out of the closet, you could take a moment to recognize your pain as an invitation from the most private, intimate, real part of yourself?
Don’t avoid the discomfort through dates, to-do lists, and other commitments, but welcome it as an old friend reminding you of what’s really important to you. Lower yourself into the silence and listen.
This article was written by Donna Dieperink, intuitive coach and trainer. This is the first article in a series of 6 articles written by Inner Purpose . In these articles we discuss the theme of ‘connecting with yourself’ from different angles.