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What you can learn when a loved one is seriously ill

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My dearest mother, my mainstay, source of information, greatest cheerleader, counselor, coach and the sweetest person I know is sick. Not just a little bit, but very seriously ill. Enough to take a person down quite a bit, but then you don’t know her and her daughters yet. I would like to share what we learn from this.

Live in the now

Eckhart Tolle and all the other gurus could have written a million more books about it, but this event really makes me live in the now. We just don’t know how long she’ll be around, maybe years, but maybe not. That’s why I really enjoy that she’s still around and I don’t think too much about what I can’t influence. Worrying, or already being sad about something I don’t know if and when it will come, is of little use.

Of course there are moments of sadness, fear and despair, but a wise man once said to me: “Who said that it is always only beautiful?” Because I don’t get stuck in it and neither does my mother, those moments pass quickly and we enter a different ‘mindset’, that of love and trust.

Enjoy everything

My mother is very happy and grateful that she survived the major surgery she had to undergo, that she woke up ‘on the other side’ (finally) and could see us again. She really enjoys all the love she gets and all the lovely people around her, especially her own family. She also wants us to enjoy, despite everything, which not everyone understands.

She wanted us to go on holiday when the weather got better and she could go home. Incomprehensible to some, that she wanted us to go as well as us to go. But we went and we enjoyed it, for ourselves and a little bit for her too. There is so much beauty to enjoy and the only time to do it is while you are still there. We don’t know what to expect either, so no matter how cliché it sounds: just enjoy it while you still can.

Love

My mother is a very loving person. After the operation she was not able to wake up at first, there turned out to be a complication and she had to have another operation. She had unconsciously sensed something was wrong and ripped her bandage off, she didn’t wake up, so they looked further and were able to operate on her again. Also the next day she only had great difficulty waking up, we didn’t know if she would wake up and if she wouldn’t have a serious brain injury and we didn’t know if she could talk.

When my stepfather and his son entered her room, while the hospital staff had not yet woken my mother, she opened her eyes and said, “Honey!” Even her very first word was full of love. We couldn’t wish for a greater gift: She could still talk and she was her loving and happy self!

Take your space

My mother has always lived for others. Gave everything she had and took little space for herself. Her illness now forces her to see what she can handle herself. Not easy for someone like her, but it has to be. She also has to start living for herself, not just for us, because she loves us, but for herself, because she loves herself.

Love for others comes easily to her, she embraces everyone in her heart. But now she will have to embrace herself, embrace herself as she embraces others. She will have to find the source within herself to go for life. So far she seems to be on the right track!

Never give up

The doctors are gloomy for my mother, grant her much, but do not give her much hope. So she also has to get that hope out of herself. She must also get that hope from her primal feeling of what is good for her. That is why she definitely does not opt ​​for the proposed regular treatment, but for a natural one that suits her.

She doesn’t want to get sicker, but she wants to enjoy herself. We don’t know yet whether these drugs will help, but we are of course hopeful that they will significantly improve her quality of life and the length of her life. And at best save her life. After all, hope gives life!

It’s not like my mother to give up, but she might be discouraged by what the doctors tell her. She is determined to get the best out of life and not to be let down by anyone, including very well-meaning doctors!

It will unfold as it is intended, but if anyone has opportunities and help to get over it, it’s my mother. And she is determined to enjoy and love when she can.

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