Too many contacts
All contacts were dear to me. Only, there were just too many. I didn’t get enough time for myself. The circle around me grew: with every new job, study or partner, more friendly contacts were made. Every weekend I tinkered around town and country to maintain connections. It was crowded. That’s why I sometimes made mistakes, even when it was really important. More people in my circle of friends meant more parties and life events. Then I sometimes let go.
More and more often I felt that nagging feeling of failure in my stomach and I heard the doubt in my head. Can I choose for myself now? Am I a good friend? Until one day I had enough. I missed the silence and an empty day on my agenda.
Take a look at friendship
I sat down with my discomfort and doubt and above all I was very honest. Asked me some questions. Who do I call in the middle of the night when I’m in an emergency and who doesn’t? Who do I always like to see? What is life and sparkle in it? What has the illusion of friendship but is in fact no more? Which contacts can I really miss?
It was hard to hear the answers inside. Because yes, you get rid of old stuff, but no friends? Until I realized I’m not throwing them away: I’m letting them go.
Friends have always been a reflection of my life, who I am and what is important to me over time. For example, I had friends for a while whom I mainly met in the dancing nightlife or during a study that I did. We shared the same interests at that time and we mirrored each other.
I developed by: my needs changed and because of that the friendship no longer fit. Because of my spiritual development, I was often unable to find a good connection because my interests changed. It was still nice to see my friends, but it wasn’t about what really occupied me. Then I felt split. It felt to me like I was only showing certain parts of myself.
Holding on to people if you want to continue or develop in a different direction can chafe and pinch. That’s okay. It invites you to take a closer look at the friendship. And sometimes it’s time to let go. The friendship has literally had its day.
Letting go and saying goodbye to a friendship
There was no conflict and I didn’t want to let the friendship go out, so I did the following. I sat down for a weekend and wrote a letter to everyone I wanted to let go in which I thanked for the beautiful time. I made it clear that I was not rejecting them, but that my life had changed. I made sure to keep it to myself. I didn’t blame or condemn them or their lives. In addition, I left room for a reaction from their side.
I didn’t get a single angry or hurt response back. Understanding and also ‘what a pity’ and doors that remained open. I liked that a lot. After that I felt enormously relieved, what a space I felt in and around me. Still.
A friendship is organic
Do you find this difficult? Perhaps an example from nature will help you with this. Remember that a garden with the most beautiful flowers and plants is also pruned to give new life the space. Someone said that friendships are also organic. They are not fixed and there is movement in them. Relationships also have seasons. So they can become extinct.
What remains gets more of your attention and your love and only becomes more powerful and beautiful.
