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When highly sensitive children grow up in a rational or dysfunctional family

It happens quite often: highly sensitive, intuitive and mediumisticpeople who have consciously or not chosen to be born in a rational or dysfunctional family, a family in which there is no room for feeling and intuition and no room for their experience. † What are the consequences of this, what can we learn from it and above all: how can we deal with this?

Sensitivity and intuition

When they are very young, many children are usually still very open to their feelings, their intuition and their natural clairvoyance. But some of us are born with more than the usual dose of intuition and sensitivity. Some highly sensitive children are even born with a whole package of intuitive qualities, often as part of their native homeland and trained in past lives. Intuitive perception is part of their being, their nature. It determines how they perceive and deal with reality.

a mismatch

But what if these children grow up in a family in which there is absolutely no room for intuitive perception or even feeling? In which there is no understanding for their experience or reality? Where is dishonesty, quarrel, conflict, lack of maturity on the part of the parents? This has major consequences for their development – ​​and often leads to the creation of personal obstacles that they will have to solve as adults if they are to really use their intuitive qualities again and put them into the world effectively.


Highly sensitive children who grow up in a rational and dysfunctional family can often start to think that they are responsible for everything they feel about the other – because they feel it. In their childish experience it makes perfect sense: I feel what you feel, so I’m responsible for it and I have to fix it. This can lead them to assume the role of buffer, lightning rod, mediator, therapist or scapegoat in the family.

highly sensitive


I often see this with clients who develop one or more burnouts at a certain point in their lives. Beneath the adult who feels way too responsible and has a hard time saying “no” is often a lost child who has always felt responsible for the safety and well-being of her parents—and even the entire family.

Higher Self vs Little I

The discrepancy between their old, wise soul-self and their little child-self often causes confusion. When they find themselves in situations that require the intervention of an older wise person, for example in violent quarrels and conflicts between the parents, on the one hand they feel that they have at their disposal a large number of skills of their old wise soul . At the same time, however, they are the anxious child who needs to be protected and comforted.


To ensure the well-being of their parents and thus their own safety, they believe that they must be able to intervene as their higher Self – and do so energetically by acting, for example, as an energetic lightning rod or buffer for the anger, fear, shock. , madness, frustration, loneliness, unresolved pain and misunderstanding of the parents. In doing so, they often take on many destructive energies and emotions. Of course, their own little self is left out in the cold – something that will avenge itself later.

highly sensitive


Also, it is very confusing for intuitive children to grow up among people who are not congruent: that is, what they say, feel and do are not aligned. Many people who are not in touch with their feelings say one thing, but feel and do another. Because intuitive children feel very directly what someone really feels, wants and intends, this is very confusing. How can those adults say they have integrity, and then lie that it’s printed? What’s true here? Who’s right here? Am I crazy?


In addition, it can sometimes happen that highly sensitive children, in their childlike honesty, simply express what they perceive and feel – even if these are issues that adults prefer to keep hidden: from themselves or the outside world. Sensitive children are often masters at touching their parents’ hidden pain points and bringing them out into the open – in all innocence and honesty. However, this is not always appreciated.


It is precisely the open and honest communication about what these highly sensitive children feel and perceive that often leads to great discomfort in adults who have a few things to hide – whereby the child is punished for her honesty. “You don’t say that,” “You’re wrong,” are messages that can lead these children to doubt their feelings, perception and intuition.


In order to put their intuitive gifts and talents into the world in a balanced way, without going beyond their own limits, and without allowing themselves to be used by others, it is often necessary for these people when they are adults to heal the inner child . To take care of the inner child as the adult they are today who is confused, feels unjustifiably guilty or ashamed, and has come to carry tons of loads from the family to maintain harmony in the family and everyone to keep safe.

highly sensitive


That child may resign as a psychologist, punching bag, mediator, or scapegoat. It can play. It can finally be a child. And for that it needs the adult of today. If you nurture, help, heal, give that child the security and confirmation it never had, it can finally relax and play – and you as an adult are free to put your intuitive gifts into the world: if spiritually and emotionally mature person.


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