Wednesday, December 7, 2022
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Who determines your value in a love relationship?

What is the best thing you have to offer in any relationship? It is your presence. Your attention, your nurturing, your confrontation, your joy, your anger. In short, your being, your presence. And the other person determines whether your presence is actually something he or she wants to receive. Or just don’t want to receive.

Whether or not someone wants to see your worth is not up to you. That is entirely up to the other. Delicious isn’t it? You don’t have to worry about that at all. You need:

  • Don’t show your worth
  • Nothing to explain
  • Nothing to prove

That makes no sense at all. The other person sees the enrichment that you are for him or her, or the other person does not. Stop giving your time and attention to people who don’t ask for it. Who don’t want your time and attention. Who for whatever reason do not want your presence. Who can’t see or feel your value in their lives. Stop that. Give your precious presence to people who make it happy . Who wish to receive you with a full ‘yes’.

Acting from love

You don’t have to get mad at the other person, you don’t have to close doors between you. You can just shift your focus. In the first instance, go within yourself. Look up your value consciously. It lies there somewhere in the space that you are. Motionless, infinitely large and beautiful. Just be there for a while. Feel yourself through your insides and make (again) contact with the love that you are. The unconditional love that you are made up of.

That is not always easy in a conflict with your loved one. There is a great risk that out of frustration about where you collide, you do too much or become very passive and do not stand still enough and show what something does to you.

When you take an inner step backwards and connect with love, you will know what to do and what not to do in your relationship. Then you can make choices that are right for you. Not because the other person wants it, but purely out of whether it helps you in the situation. From taking very good care of yourself you can bring love back into the energy between you.

Perhaps that will change the dynamic so that you can see each other again. That you can really appreciate each other’s presence again. And maybe it means that you make the choice to run away in all love for yourself. To get out of the relationship. To give each other the space to follow your own path, separately from each other.

Phases in love

Every relationship has different phases. Phases of proximity and phases of distance. Phases in which you physically visit each other and phases in which you experience your adventures separately from each other. The temptation is great to define your relationship by physical proximity: The relationship is good if you want to be together all the time, the relationship is not good if you need to go your own way. However, that’s not what I mean by presence.

You can’t be physically present with each other and still have the door open to each other. You can be somewhere else with your attention and still move in love with each other. You can trigger and confront each other with old hurts and still feel the love and trust in each other.

Maybe one of you finds it very scary to not have contact for a while and is confronted with separation anxiety. When you can fully allow and feel that fear, while at the same time trusting the other person and the other person’s love, you can heal this part.

Taking care of yourself

If the other person does something you don’t like, you can of course always report it. You can say openly and honestly what hurts you. You can always feel what you feel and also tell and share that with the other. And it may of course be that the other person really wants to take you into account. The other is just not obliged to do that. There is no obligation to meet your needs.

There is also no obligation to stay in a relationship where you don’t feel seen and heard. In which you feel unappreciated, loved and desired. You can choose at any time how you want to be in your relationship. What you do or do not expect from each other and how you respond to what you contribute. Choose consciously and choose what suits your own nature.

Sounds easy, sometimes it is, but most of the time it isn’t. Often it means consciously choosing to first distance yourself, break free from the chaos you are in the middle of and only then see what actually still fits or does not fit in your relationship. And that can feel like the scariest thing there is. Because there are no guarantees about what will be left once you disconnect.

Your worth does not depend on the other

If you look very closely, can you see that your worth in a relationship never depends on the moves the other makes? Whether that person overloads you with attention, compliments and admiration, or with silence, indifference or blame. It doesn’t change who you are or who you are in the relationship. Your worth is simply what it is: infinitely large and beautiful.

You can only be responsible for what you bring into the relationship. So is your partner. You can bring in your energy from playfulness, or from fear, or anger, or from any old pattern. You can view your relationship moment by moment, reacting from every impulse and emotion that arises. You can also look at your relationship ecologically; in the whole of your life. Does what you give and receive now match your desire for relationships in your life?

You are never completely at the mercy of the other’s movements. You are never really dependent on what the other person wants or does not want. Not even when it feels very intense and intense. Even if it sometimes seems that way, because you really want to keep your relationship. You always have the opportunity to connect deeply with yourself. To choose clearly and respectfully from there what your heart tells you.


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