Why does a man in love act distant? These are the 7 Reasons

Tips For Setting Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty

You’ve been dating each other for a while.

The click you have is almost magical. Sparks fly when you’re together.

He is your perfect match and you are his.

At least…

you thought so.

Because although you’ve been getting closer , lately it seems like he ‘s starting to distance himself more and more …

He just seemed so madly in love with you (or maybe he even said this to you already).

But now…

… now Why does a man in love act distant?

Why does the man in love act so very distant?

You will get the answer to that question from me today in this article.

You learn:

  • On the 7 real reasons why the man in love becomes distant (few women know these reasons!)
  • What relationship readiness entails and what it has to do with his aloof behavior
  • Practical tips to get him back to you in no time
  • What the James Bond complex is and why some men show it when they are in love
  • And much more….


Why does a man in love act distant? now what?

Welcome dear reader.

First of all, I would like to offer you our apologies on behalf of my fellow men.

Many men say that they often do not understand women’s flute, but we men are not always clear ourselves.

And especially not when we’re in love.

The man in love can exhibit strange, insecure and downright contradictory behavior.

One minute he’s staring at you with heart eyes …

Excited In Love GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

…and the next he’s displaying cold, distant demeanor.

With your hands in your hair you think to yourself:

“What the hell is wrong with him?!”

Dear reader,

your frustration is very understandable.

Some men seem inexplicably distant when they are in love.

And that’s pretty annoying. Especially if your contact went just as well.


what you may ask is this:

Is his behavior really inexplicable?

The short answer to that question is simply:


When a man in love becomes distant, there is usually a good reason for it.

Understanding the reasons behind his aloofness will make it much easier for him to come back to you like a lap dog.

Moreover, it is nice to create some clarity for yourself about his sudden distant behavior.

Therefore, today you will learn about the 7 main reasons why the man in love acts aloof.

Some reasons do have to do with you…

Other reasons are much more his own….

In any case, if you are aware of the main reasons why the man in love becomes distant, then this will help you and him considerably further…

So it’s high time to learn something about this.

Sit down, have a pen and paper ready if necessary and pay close attention…

After reading this article you will know exactly why the man in love is distant and what you can do about it.

Let’s do it.

Reason 1: It has to do with his relationship readiness

When coaching women in self-development and in love, dating coach Adam often uses this important term:

A man ‘s relationship readiness .

What exactly does relationship readiness mean?

Literally translated, this term actually means:

“The extent to which a man is actually READY for a relationship.”

It is like this:

A man can be extremely in love and still not want a relationship with you.

This may sound a bit crazy, but it is something that many men (and women) encounter during certain stages of life.


the relationship readiness of a man of 40 who wants to settle down is very very high.

(Let’s say this guy’s relationship readiness is a 9 on a scale of 1 to 10).

After all, this man wants to start a family and build a future with a nice woman.

However, the relationship readiness of a 22-year-old male is much lower.

(2 on a scale of 1 to 10).

After all, this man is still very young. He may still be in college and not looking for a steady relationship.

A man’s relationship readiness depends on his personality and stage of life.

So a man can be very much in love with you but still choose to distance himself purely because his relationship readiness is still very low.

So take a look at what stage of life the man you find attractive is.

Is he still very young or a bit older?

Also think about his personality.

Does he want to build something serious or does he really enjoy his freedom?

The lower his relationship readiness, the more distance he will distance from you in the infatuation stage.

He does this purely to protect himself (and you).

Nevertheless, there are certainly things you can try to get a man into a relationship.



Reason 2: You’re going way too fast

Some men in love are just like me when I was very little and went on a roller coaster for the first time:

As soon as it goes too fast it’s no longer fun

(And honestly, I still hate roller coasters).

This is a mistake many women make, especially if they are really  looking for a relationship.

These kind of women want a relationship so badly that they scare a man off.

Once a man notices that things are moving too fast for him, he completely shuts down from you.

If you see him every day, text every hour and are already busy making wedding plans while you just know each other, he will start thinking this:

“Oh help, this woman is moving very fast. This is a limitation of my freedom. I have to get out of here.”

Cancel Spongebob Squarepants GIF - Find & Share on GIPHY

What you need to understand is this:

A man attaches great importance to his freedom and space.

As soon as he notices that these two things are being taken from him too quickly, he will run away from you. No matter how well you mean everything.

So distance yourself from him

Make sure you text him less often. Meet less frequently than you do with him now and above all don’t make serious plans for the future with him (yet).

The great thing is that if YOU start to distance yourself, he will only find you more interesting.

A man really falls in love when he starts to miss you

Fortunately, there are simple ways to make him miss you.



Reason 3: He is afraid of his own emotions

You may have noticed that some men seem to have a hard time showing their emotions.

A good example of this comes from the theater classes I have taken.

I started doing this myself because I really like acting.

However, there are also many men who go to theater classes to get more in touch with their emotions.

For example, there was a man at my theater club who, for the first time in a long time, dared to express his emotions publicly when playing a specific scene.

In everyday life, this man bottled up his emotions a lot because he was afraid to show these emotions. Since the theater lessons, he is much better at expressing his emotions.


Research has shown that the male brain is less strong emotionally than the female brain.

The female brain is much more focused on expressing emotions, while the male brain is much more focused on “logic”.

(This is exactly why men want to solve your problem right away instead of listening carefully ).

Some men find expressing their emotions so difficult that they run away from them.

There are men who find it very difficult to deal with strong emotions, such as being in love.

So out of a kind of ‘clumsiness’ they try to flee from this emotion by saying little about it or even not giving in to it (this often occurs in men with fear of commitment ).

Note that you can never force a man to express his emotions. This only works in the opposite direction.

Enjoy every moment you have with him. Take your time and take enough space and distance (see the previous reason).

Don’t focus too much on MUST making him fall in love but make it happen by a combination of making him miss you and creating nice, memorable moments together.

(This attraction and repulsion is also known as “push-pull” and is a very good method of creating attraction).

Moreover, it is important that the man in question can trust you enough so that he dares to express his emotions with you.

Some men are left with a mental scar from previous intense infatuation experiences.

In the next reason why the man in love is distant, I will elaborate on this.

Reason 4: He suffers from the James Bond complex

Why does a man in love act distant? ahh…


If you’ve read any of my articles you know it’s no secret that I’m a huge James Bond fan.

In fact, I’m such a big fan that I named a certain kind of crush behavior after him.

I call this kind of behavior the James Bond complex and this often occurs in men who fall in love (again) (women can also have to deal with this James Bond complex by the way).

“I’m curious, Laurens. Tell me, what exactly is this James Bond complex?”


as you probably know, James Bond is a real womanizer.

Although he has many women in his life, he rarely enters into a serious relationship with a woman.

If you read the James Bond books (yep, there are books by them. James Bond started out as a book) then you know exactly why our secret agent rarely gets into serious relationships:

his previous infatuation experiences were downright traumatic.

In the first James Bond story, Casino Royale, Bond falls in love with Vesper. However, after a fierce, romantic love affair, Vesper betrays him and eventually commits suicide.

This betrayal has hurt Bond so much that he hardly ever lets a woman get close to him. He also takes the necessary distance as soon as he falls in love.

And that distance that a man takes (which therefore stems from previous nasty love experiences) I call the James Bond complex.

This James Bond complex is common to many men and women.

After all, there are many people who have become afraid of infatuation and love purely because they have been hurt by another loved one before.

Many men who have experienced this choose to keep the necessary distance when they fall in love.

This makes the behavior of the man in love seem strange: he seemed to like you so much at first, but suddenly he withdraws.

If you suspect that he has had a bad love experience in the past, it is advisable not to pull this out of him.

The more you “force” him to let go of his love trauma , the more distance he will take.

Let him experience in this case that you are a positive addition to his life.

Create fun, intimate and happy moments with him without overly focusing on getting him into a relationship (and take the necessary distance here too now and then).

You can also use the going first principle.

When you have a good, personal conversation, FIRST, you start talking about past love experiences.

This way he knows that the coast is safe for him to talk about any (nasty) experiences in love without you judging him.

The more he trusts you and the more personal he dares to get with you, the more likely a man in love will eventually become less distant.

Never rush this and give it time.

Reason 5: His focus is now on something else

When we are in love we can hardly help but constantly think about the person we are in love with.

This is true for both women and men.

However, there are sometimes exceptions. This exception often occurs in men when his male brain is completely focused on something else .

What you need to understand is this:

the male brain can only focus on one thing at a time.

Men have a very strong focus. Just think of young boys you sometimes see playing football on the street.

As soon as they are in a fierce game of football, they are very focused on the ultimate goal: winning the match.

This strong focus also occurs in the adult male brain.

For example, suppose your husband in question is currently working on an extremely important project at work…

Then it just might be that this project is exactly why he seems distant at the moment.

“But does that mean he thinks this project is more important than me?”

Hardly said: yes. But that’s just right now.

Remember: the male brain can focus on one thing at a time.

Once this project is finished, his thoughts slowly return to you. His focus can vary quite a bit making it seem like some guys are constantly attracting and repelling .

If you notice that the man who is (probably) in love with you is currently in “focus mode”, it is important not to disturb him too much.

Instead, encourage him so he can achieve his goal.

Ultimately, every man wants a woman who will help him achieve his goals in life.

If you can be such a woman for him, he will choose you in no time .

So the next time he texts you that he’s busy with his important project at work, remember this:

A message like “You’ve been very busy with your work lately, say” can take him out of his focus, so that he only takes more distance.

But a message like “Good luck today with the project you want to finish. You can do it!” just encourages him and gives him the motivation he needs from a nice woman like you.

At the end of the project, he will come back to you like the wiederweerga.

Reason 6: He’s already in a relationship

Good news: This reason is much less common than you think.

A man will rarely lie to you if he is really madly in love with you.

Nevertheless, it sometimes happens that a man does not dare to tell you about a relationship that he actually already has.

(Or, in extremely rare cases… he won’t tell).

Obviously, this is an awkwardness that lies entirely with him.

He knows that he is cheating on you and his current girlfriend by continuing to date you, so he keeps the existence of his relationship a secret.

Make sure you stay miles away from these kind of men

Because what if he eventually gives up his current relationship to be with you…

Then you understand that he cheated on you.

Conclusion: the chance that he will also cheat while he is with you now is very high.

In such a case you are dealing with an impossible love.

But again: a man who keeps his relationship from you is rare.

What is possible, however, is that he is currently in doubt between you and another woman that he is in love with.

The man in love then becomes distant because he cannot choose between you and any other women in his life.

Ultimately, of course, you want this man in love to choose you 100 percent.

You will learn how to do this in the next tip.

Reason 7: He still doubts….

He likes you but he likes another woman too…

Or maybe he is really in love with you, but he is still unsure whether you are really the one for him…

What now?

This doubtful ass still has to see that you are going to make him very happy.


Whether he doubts between you or someone else….

Or he isn’t sure yet whether he wants to give up his single life for you…

In the end, one thing is certain:

He doesn’t choose you 100 percent yet.

This may sound painful, but nevertheless, it is the truth right now.

But don’t worry, dear reader.

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