Why Personal Growth Can Cause Relationship Crisis

Am I Overwrought

If you walk the path of personal growth and spiritual development – ​​and effectively apply what you learn on it – there will inevitably be some changes in your life.

There are various life domains in which the consequences of the inner (cleaning up) work that you perform can be seen. In this blog we look specifically at the shifts that are taking place in the field of your relationships.

The empty elevator phase

In her book ‘The anatomy of a calling’ Lissa Rankin talks about the empty elevator phase. During your development process, you leave the floor you know behind to board an elevator that takes you to a higher floor.

While you are alone in the elevator, you are in the phase between no more and not yet . This is an uncomfortable stage of life that requires a lot of trust. You know what you’re leaving behind, but you don’t know what’s to come. That sometimes makes the temptation great to send the elevator back. Still, it’s important to persevere at the moment.

Increase in your frequency

At the level of quantum physics, the world we live in and everything in it is nothing more than vibrating energy. You and I also consist essentially of energy. Each of us vibrates at a certain frequency in this field of energy.

The combination of your beliefs, thinking patterns, feelings, statements and actions (in short, the state of your consciousness ) determines how low or how high the frequency is at which you vibrate.

When your thinking, speaking and acting are increasingly aligned with the true nature of who you are. When you stop being scared, limited and dominate by the laws of the world but instead come to live in alignment with the universal laws, you will be emitting an ever higher frequency.

The frequency at which you vibrate then determines who you do and who you do not resonate with (anymore), aka ‘Your vibe attracts your tribe’.

Literally rising

Let’s imagine it with the help of an apartment building. Each floor of the apartment building has a different frequency, aka a different vibe.

On the ground floor the frequency is between 0 and 100, on the first floor between 100 and 200, on the second floor between 200 and 300, on the third floor between 300 and 500 and on the fourth deepen all frequencies higher than 500. That is the deepening of the so-called ‘enlightened’ people.

As long as the frequency that your consciousness has corresponds to the frequency that prevails on the floor where you reside, you will continue to feel good there. You are then on the same wavelength as the other people on this floor.

But what happens as your consciousness increases is that your frequency goes up, while the frequency of others stays the same.

Friends become strangers

People with whom you have had a good relationship for years can suddenly start to feel like strangers. You no longer seem to understand each other – with the best will in the world – and you experience more and more resentment or misunderstandings. The contact feels heavy and loaded and you start to dread it more and more. This may concern friends, (former) colleagues, acquaintances, but also your partner and/or family members.

One thing is certain: this phase can really confuse you. After all, isn’t the purpose of personal growth to make your life easier? Instead of placing a bomb among your relationships?! Because yes, you will lose people anyway (but luckily not everyone)! But here too the following applies: where one door closes, a new one opens. In this case: the elevator door!

Strangers become friends

Between my burnout and now, there have been many shifts in my relationships. Some relationships have disappeared or faded, others have been given a new meaning, a number of relationships have become closer, but the most striking thing: I gained a whole new network full of like-minded people .

After the uncomfortable phase of standing alone in the elevator, the elevator door suddenly opened. And with the opening of the elevator door, a whole new world opened up! What a relief, what a coming home!

Suddenly I could not only be myself and live my own truth in complete freedom, but I was valued for these very things! After more than thirty years, I was finally done. I no longer felt like the odd man out and no longer had to hide my spirituality behind a superficial mask. I was understood and seen, perhaps for the first time in my life.relationships

The higher floor

On the new floor, almost everyone is engaged in personal growth and spiritual development. There is an atmosphere of safety and solidarity, which means that these themes can be exchanged in all openness. There are often mutual points of contact and points of recognition in the transformation processes that take place.

There are therefore many forerunners on this floor . People who lead the way themselves, or rather, lead the way, and then pass on the lessons they learn along the way to others, so that their way becomes a little easier. Alias, so that they also dare to step into the elevator.

Sensitive to subtle energy

The longer you stay on this new floor, the harder it becomes to spend time on the ground floor, where you occasionally go for a meeting, activity or visit.

You find that it becomes increasingly difficult for you to participate in superficial conversations or ‘ego’ discussions, that you no longer feel like confirming other people’s conditioned version of the truth. You often feel empty and tired or completely heavy and cramped in such environments. Sometimes you even have to recover from it for days afterwards.

That is perhaps the only ‘disadvantage’ of the higher floor and especially the higher vibration: you have become much more sensitive to subtle energy. Many people also discover at this stage that they are highly sensitive , which to me is more an expression of the inner clearing process taking place in that person than I see it as a ‘disorder’ or ‘problem’.


Gradually, the people on the higher floor learn to handle their own energy better and to make more conscious choices. But instead of completely avoiding the ground floor, they learn to see it as a valuable learning experience. Everyone they meet there functions as an important mirror.

Every judgment that still touches them says something about the self-judgment that is still cherished. Every outer conflict reflects inner discontent. Every fear they are saddled with requires examining and clearing any remaining limiting beliefs.

The ultimate test in consciousness

The visits to the ground floor can be compared to a test in consciousness. The ultimate way to test where you are in your process is to look at how you behave towards your parents (or other close relatives with whom you share a lot of past, such as your sisters or brothers or perhaps your partner). The more past you share with someone, the more conscious presence requires of you to interact with this person. After all, these people know how to trigger you like no other. Alias, they show you where you still have work to do in yourself.

If you think you are enlightened, go and stay with your parents for a week.

Ram Dass



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