If you have children, no matter how young or old, you have the best mirrors of yourself you can have. Your children were born like blank pages. You and your spouse, your parents and in-laws, brothers, sisters, brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, neighbors, boyfriends and girlfriends, school teachers, sports teachers, nannies, actors, and other television folk have all helped shape your child. You and your partner have had by far the most impact.
Telling vs Behaving
It was not what you told your child that was so important, it stopped listening to that from a certain age, but how you behaved, what you thought, how you felt, what you were afraid of, and what you thought did your child took from you about. You, including all your thoughts, emotions, fears, and beliefs, are made up of energy.
This is not vague talk but scientifically substantiated. Thoughts, emotions and the like can be measured empirically. Your energy field and that of your partner are the fields that your children have come into contact with the most and from which they unconsciously (also for you) have taken most of it. That starts long before birth.
Shadow sides copied
A child has been conscious for some time before it was born and copied parts of you long before you even suspected it could. That means that your child has also taken on sides of you that you don’t like very much. Certain blockages, traumas, and fears. Limiting beliefs, disruptive behavior, weaknesses, and other things that you find difficult to accept from yourself.
In general, you are perfectly capable of hiding these parts of yourself and making it seem like they aren’t there. Maybe they come up during a drunken mood or in a stressful situation, but that’s about it. In your child, however, you can see these tucked-away sides of yourself constantly mirrored. Annoying behavior, obstacles, resistance, laziness, social problems, and lack of self-confidence in your child can trigger an allergic and even irritating reaction in you. Perhaps in such a way that you lash out at your child. You may even find yourself in situations where you later regret what you did or said.
If you see your child as your mirror, someone who has copied the fun, but also the less fun parts of you, it might be easier to stay calm. It’s no fun being confronted with the parts of yourself you’d rather not face. Realize that your child is not doing it on purpose and is still developing.
The following exercise can help you develop compassion for your child. It will immediately help you develop compassion for the unaccepted parts of yourself. Apply it when you feel the irritation bubbling up to keep it from erupting. It is a practice of Buddhist origin, but is used in modern methods such as Search Inside Yourself (Google’s meditation program) and Avatar. In my book: Start today with a lighter life, I also describe this exercise. You will find that you can look at your child with more love and compassion and maybe even react more calmly. Do the exercise regularly and give it time.
Focus your attention on your child and repeat in your mind:
1. Like me, (your child’s name) is looking for happiness in life
2. Like me, (your child’s name) tries to avoid pain and suffering
3 Like me, (your child’s name) experiences sadness, loneliness, and despair in life
4. Like me, (your child’s name) tries to fulfill his or her needs
5. Like me learns ( your child’s name) child) the lessons of life