With these 6 steps you come to self-love


I see a lot of people struggling with self-love. “Am I worth it?” ‘What is my place here on earth?’ “Why don’t I love myself?” are questions that arise. What steps can we take so that we actually allow this love that is already present in us?
Important ingredients for self-love

Of course no person is the same and every road is different. Yet there are a number of ingredients that are important to experience more self-love: letting go of old pain, setting boundaries and feeling compassion. It is clear that the process of self-love takes time. Step by step, where patience with yourself is indispensable.

Letting go of old ballast

Just as you don’t build a house on a ruin, self-love can’t grow if you’re still surrounded by the debris of the past. Letting go of sadness, anger and old pain is the first step. After all, if your ‘home’ were still intact, your self-love would still flow.

Letting go is preceded by letting go: daring to feel your sadness. From your childhood, a previous relationship or otherwise. We as humans are equipped to put this sadness away. But at some point it is important to allow this. So that you can come into contact with it and transform it.

Letting go of sadness

Allowing grief often provokes resistance. Especially when we feel that the sadness is deep, a pain of the soul. It feels like a great calamity chasing us and turning away from it. As if it devours us if we turn towards it.

In one session, a client was in contact with her mother. Mother had a lot of unprocessed grief about her child that had died, the pain was palpable. This grief was so all-encompassing that she dared not let it. As a result, her broken heart made it difficult to give this daughter the confidence she needed. Her grief created a great fear of losing this child too. This made it difficult for her daughter to enter the world openly and to feel herself prejudice .

The daughter saw in the session the sadness of mother: an endless sea. Mother could not see the sea, she stood with her back to it. She was aware of the endless sadness and there was fear and powerlessness in her eyes. Her daughter encouraged her to turn around and see the grief. Mother trusted her daughter and turned around. In her mind, her grief was a raging sea that would swallow her up. But the sea turned out to be calm and calm. And she said, “Now is this what I’ve always been so afraid of?” Now she dared to admit her grief.

Using Your Anger Towards More Self-Love

Maybe you don’t experience sadness, but you do experience anger? This can also be the engine for your further process.

Recall the situation you are angry about: remember what happened and what you felt. Let the anger about this grow. This is alchemy: you stoke the fire. The bigger it is, the more tangible and the easier it is to transform.

Feel which way suits you to let go of the anger. I remember a moment when I was helped in this. I was in the car and exploded: I roared from my toes. And ‘saw’ myself as a fire-breathing dragon. The flames shot out of me and the steam came out of my nostrils.

Delicious! I found it a liberating experience. And yes, it is strange and your mind will think all kinds of things about it. But if you feel this could work for you, it’s well worth stepping over the threshold!
And: as my self-love grew, my anger decreased.


Sometimes people hardly feel any emotions. Or are their emotions so all-encompassing that they offer no leads. There may be an energetic blockage. Don’t doubt yourself if you can’t admit feelings. There’s nothing wrong with you. In this time of transformation, the universe is helping you by bringing underlying emotions more and more to the surface. Energetic guidance can help you with this.

Boundaries, an important form of self-love

Feeling and indicating boundaries is an important form of self-love. You choose for yourself at that moment. As a highly sensitive person, it took me some effort to become aware of this. How do you feel this limit?
This is subtle: an indefinable feeling in your stomach, an inner resistance or a genuine surprise at what the other person is doing or saying. When you daily intend to feel your limit, you will get better and better. By writing it down, you get a better view of it.

The next step is to indicate this limit. Keep in mind the following: if something is good for me, it is also good for the collective. Doing another service while it doesn’t feel comfortable for you, does not lead to a higher vibration energetically. And when your vibration drops, by allowing something that doesn’t feel comfortable, so does the vibration of the collective. Setting your limits takes courage, but if you have the intention to do it, you will succeed better and better.
With every choice you make, ask yourself: is this one loving me?


Having compassion for yourself is important. This process takes time and patience. Give this to yourself. Moreover, indicating your limit succeeds one day better than the other, be gentle with yourself if it failed once.

We often feel that we have already solved certain themes and old pain. We think we are ‘further’ than we actually are. If anything from the many sessions I’ve done, it’s that we don’t know what’s in our subconscious. We don’t know when we are ‘done’. That does not matter, but patience and acceptance are of great importance in this.

Realize that the inner growth we are currently experiencing as humanity is unprecedented. It is up to us to clear up karma: from ourselves, (ancestors) parents, past lives and the collective. That is quite something! This is accompanied by trial and error. You will see that you fall less and less and that one day you will experience that you are more firmly in your shoes.

Tap into your inner Super Powers!

In this challenging time it is tough to keep standing. In this live online webinar series I give you tips on how to stay true to yourself and set your own course.

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24 May to 07 June 2022
Expert: Susanne Eijssen
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