Your body as a perfect thermometer: sick with desire

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Your body as a perfect thermometer: sick with desire
Sometimes you need a different vision with a complaint in which you let go of old thinking patterns. In this article you can read more about what ‘desire’ can do to you physically.

My desire is that I can continue to live here, that my husband finally understands me, and that I can exercise again. My wish is that he is honest, that my children visit me more often, and that my customers appreciate me. My desire is…

She is 64 years old and came to my office a week ago because of shortness of breath, palpitations, and pain in the neck and shoulders. Walking up the stairs had suddenly become a challenge. During that conversation, it became apparent that there was also a lot of tension. She has her own studio, but the question is how long she can afford it. The studio means so much to her that it would be a disaster if it were to disappear. During the examination, no abnormalities were found and today I look at her complaints in a different way.

Your body as a perfect thermometer: sick with desire

Sick with desire

There is nothing wrong with your desire. It shows you what you would most deeply desire. Or would like… And there we enter the wafer-thin dividing line between “desire” and “want”. As soon as desire, whether consciously or not, turns into wanting, we start to limit ourselves unnoticed.

Do we become rigid, compelling, convincing, and too focused on the result as we see it in front of us? We become “attached”, attached, to our desire. We want it so badly that any other outcome will feel like a loss. That causes stress and tension. Stress is not just in your head. It’s all over your body. You are no longer open to any other options. It deprives you of all creativity, spontaneity, and liveliness.

When our desire becomes so great that we can no longer bear the possible loss, we can also make the opposite movement. Then we become “detached” and we start to detach. We put a bomb under our wish: “Never mind, it will never work anyway….” We withdraw and give up on our desire. The disappointment and loss is palpable. In your head and in your body. Examples are sadness, fatigue, abdominal pain, neck pain…

 

A clear and clear goal

There is, however, a third position you can take with regard to your desire. Kind of a middle position. In which you still keep an eye on your desire. Your goal is clear and obvious. After all, there is nothing wrong with your desire. Your desire for honesty, attention, recognition, and appreciation is all right. However… it doesn’t have to be that way…  It doesn’t have to be that your partner understands you. It doesn’t have to be that he is honest. You don’t have to be appreciated. Why not? What is the most important proof that it doesn’t have to happen? Simply because it doesn’t always happen.

Your body as a perfect thermometer: sick with desire

You may now hear yourself thinking: Yes, but he is supposed to be honest…? And that is exactly where your desire turns into wanting. As if it should be. There is no other option. You become “bound”, and in doing so you deprive yourself of all creativity, spontaneity, and liveliness. And make the relationship with your lists and judgments more important than the relationship with who you are deep down. And that creates tension. Every day. And you pay a high price for your health for that: sadness, muscle pain, stomach complaints, palpitations, poor sleep…

But it doesn’t have to be like this…

I ask her to express her desire with closed eyes: “My desire is that I can continue to paint in my studio…” When I ask if that is correct, she gently shakes her head up and down, visibly moved. “But it doesn’t have to be like this…”, I say. She repeats both sentences and a deep sigh follows. She feels more relaxed. The pain in her neck subsides and there is more space in her chest.

The moment you express your desire and supplement it with the sentence “but it doesn’t have to be like this…”, the body will naturally relax.  Because as soon as it happens differently than you would like, it still meets your list, your opinion, and your judgment. That is, it doesn’t have to be that way.

There is then no more inner struggle. Does that mean you give up on your desire? New. Your desire remains. Your goal and your wish are clear. That is yours and is extremely valuable. But… it doesn’t have to be that way. And thus you give yourself the space to stay creative. You keep your spontaneity and liveliness. And your health…

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